Saturday, February 21, 2009

Mug Shot of the Week

Ottawa Senators collecting Puck Bunnies

When the Senators picked up Mike Comrie from the Islanders this week, it likely included Hilary Duff in the package. The 21-year old singer has been dating Comrie for some time. In addition, singer Carrie Underwood is dating Mike Fisher. The Senators won't make the playoffs but but they will have some popular Puck Bunnies occupying the rail seats.

Charlotte Church is 23 today

Scarlett Johansson's twin brother is a geek

Scarlett Johansson has a twin but they aren't identical...because the twin is a guy. As gorgeous as she is, her twin brother Hunter looks like a geek. Apparently he is an actor because he had a bit part in a movie with his famous sister 13 years ago. More recently he worked as a campaign organizer for Barack Obama which explains how Scarlett has Obama's cellphone number.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Afghanistan surge

Why are liberals so upset that President Obama sent 17,000 more troops to Afghanistan? He said in his campaign that he was going to send more troops to Afghanistan. He blasted the Surge because it was only necessary because the Bush administration took the war to Iraq when they should’ve still been in Afghanistan. So where’s the surprise?

Kate Winslet won't be taking her clothes off anymore

Kate Winslet has announced (again) that she’s not going to take her clothes off in movies anymore. Is this the second or the third time she’s made this announcement? I can’t keep up with them anymore. She says “I think I won’t do it again: (a) I can’t keep getting away with it, and (b) I don’t want to become ‘that actress who always gets her kit off.’” Well, gee, you’re about a decade too late for (b). It’s not like that’s all there is to your acting. I’ve been a fan since 1995, so I happen to know you’re incredibly talented and not just a one-trick pony.

ED NOTE: Just figures Kate is my 4500th post!

UPDATE: Just watched Kate Winslet in Mildred Pierce and guess what? More nude scenes for Kate!

Now where did I put those car keys?

The Middle East peace process is likely dead for now

Israeli President Shimon Peres has asked Likud leader Benjamin Netanyahu to put together a coalition and cabinet. Under the Israeli constitution he has 42 days to report back. Peres selected Netanyahu after consulting with all 12 parties that elected representatives to the Israeli Parliament (Knesset) and none of the parties supported the only alternative – Kadima leader Tzipi Livni.

It has become obvious that the next Israeli government will operate on the far right of the political spectrum. His support will come from his party Likud (27 seats), extreme right Yisrael Beiteinu (15), ultra-religious Shas (11), ultra-religious United Torah Judaism (5), extreme right National Union (4) and right-wing, religious The Jewish Home (3). The six parties control 65 of the 120 seats in the Knesset which a narrow and unstable majority. In this right wing mix are both secular and religious parties as well as Zionist and non-Zionist parties. The largest coalition partners Shas and Yisral Beiteinu hate each other.

Clearly, security concerns following two wars as well as the threat of a nuclear Iran have caused the Israeli electorate to shift to the right. So any proposed peace process is dead under this group. This plays into the hands of Hamas who have no interest in living next to a Jewish state and weakens an already weak Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas.

Interestingly, although 65% of Israelis voted for a party on the right, polls suggest that the electorate would like to see a coalition made up of the major parties of the right (Likud), centre (Kadima) and left (Labour). However, for very different reasons Kadima and Labour do not want to form a unity government. Labour needs to rebuild after a disastrous election and feel that must be done in opposition. Kadima has stated that unless it holds the Prime Minister’s office, it will also remain in opposition. Their stated concern is that there is not enough compatibility on policy to support a Likud government. However, Netanyahu has 42 days to persuade larger parties to form a unity government. Netanyahu has created a dilemma for himself by convincing enough parties to make him Prime Minister but ironically they are parties he would prefer not to share power with.

Obama picks up beaver tail in Ottawa

  • President Obama maintained the U.S. tradition of making Canada his first foreign visit. The only exception was President Bush who decided to visit Mexico instead. But then we always knew he had a strong dislike for Canada.
  • During the election campaign, Canadians polls indicated that Barack Obama was more popular in Canada than in the U.S. Based on the crowds that came out today, that might still be the case. A good thing Harper doesn't have to run against Obama.
  • The coverage of his visit was ridiculous. Yes it is a wonderful historic event but come on, about the only thing we don't get from various media outlets is when the President gets a bathroom break.
  • There are ongoing differences regarding the two countries regarding Canadian oil extracted from Alberta oil sands. Extracting the oil from the clay and sand leaves a huge carbon footprint and Prime Minister Harper would like to see the oil sands exempt from American environmental regulations. A big issues here.
  • On his way out, the President picked up a Beaver Tail, the fried, flattened doughnut that is found in the Ottawa area.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The agony of being a Toronto Maple Leaf fan

It’s not easy being a Maple Leaf fan. We are loathed and ridiculed right across Canada. Each season we hope the team exceeds expectations but most years they disappoint us by underachieving. Some years it’s like a car crash – horrible to watch but you can’t seem to stop looking.

The organization has rarely provided fans with value for their money – or their loyalty. Let’s face it Harold Ballard sucked dollars out of the pockets of fans without putting a cent into the product on the ice. This practice has been continued by subsequent owners though not quite as blatantly. In recent years the organization has been much more aware of their image and concerned that future fans may gravitate to other sports. This year’s Fans First Game was an attempt to repay fans loyalty. The Maple Leafs have the highest ticket prices in the NHL and have had operating profits as high as 40%. No wonder the rest of the country laughs at us.

And let’s not forget the darker moments that Leaf fans have had to put up with. The Gardens sex scandal where star-struck boys were molested by Gardens employees. There have been ticket-scalping scandals. The circumstances that surrounded the departure of former captains Dave Keon and Darryl Sittler stung fans as much as the players. And how about the history of hiring incompetent managers and coaches. We have had to put up with a lot.

There are three groups of Leaf fans: Purple Koolaid Fans, Broken Ankle Fans and the Leaf Hating Fans. It’s hard to estimate the size of each group or which is the largest. The first group is the loudest but the second group may be larger.

Purple Koolaid Fans

These fans have never met anyone wearing blue and white that they didn’t like. They will find positive in every player and can elevate marginal players to star status (eg., Tie Domi). They call into radio call-in shows to debate the future of the team on a daily basis. They will form impromptu parades on Yonge Street following each Leaf playoff win (yeah there hasn’t been one of these in a while). Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Early this season following a modest win streak I heard one of them declare on the radio that the Leafs had turned the corner and would not only make the playoffs but be a Cup contender. This despite the fact that management had advised fans to be patient and that a rebuild would take several years.

Broken Ankle Fans

As the name suggests this is the group of fans that tend to jump on and off the bandwagon. Every sports team has them. They support the team whenit is doing well and disappear when things go bad. The Maple Leaf version can reappear even after one big win. Though most of this season they have remained below the radar for obvious reasons. They can be confused with the Purple Koolaid group when the Leafs are doing well and are inclined to join those victory parades during the playoffs. But when things are not going well they may not just disappear but can be quite vocal. The fans who booed and razzed rookie goalie, Justin Pogge after giving up some soft goals this week are Broken Ankle Fans. When they turn on a player (Andrew Raycroft) they can be tough on them but they also can be won back (Nik Antropov). They were the first to support a rebuild a year ago but now are complaining about how bad the team is.

Leaf Hating Fans

This interesting group of fans claim to hate the Toronto Maple Leafs. They will also claim to enjoy watching the Leafs lose and that they support other teams. Most are in denial but who can blame them. They carry around 42 years of frustration and disappointment. Now I know people who have been Hab fans or Flyer fans their entire life. They do not fall into this group because they actually aren’t Leaf fans. Because the Leafs have had so little success over the past few decades, many people are convinced that these fans actually do not like the Leafs. However, during those few seasons when the Leafs appear to be contenders (eg., 1992-93 season) they eventually come around. The problem is that the Leafs eventually slip back into mediocrity and they go back to “hating” the team.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Exclusive interview with A-Rod's cousin

Pseudonym: So I understand that you would only agree to being interviewed if your identity remained a secret.

Cousin: That's correct. Though I see you also wear a disguise.

Pseudonym: Let's keep this about you and Alex. So why is it important that you not be identified?

Cousin: It's to protect Alex.

Pseudonym: How so?

Cousin: He's a big star and all that stuff. He has to protect his privacy.

Pseudonym: So tell me about how Alex got started on steroids?

Cousin: I was working long hours driving a cab back in 2001. I seen this energy boosting stuff at my health food store in the Dominican so I figure I tries it. I runs into Alex at church a couple months later and tell him about this stuff and suggest he try it out.
Pseudonym: What was the name of this "stuff"?

Cousin: My pharmacist said it was boli. I didn't know what was in it but you didn't need no prescription.

Pseudonym: So tell me about the first time.

Cousin: Well I told Alex it had to be injected. He had no clue. He is such a pussy. I thought he was going to faint. When I jabbed him he screamed like a little girl. Hahaha.

Pseudonym: So what happened then?

Cousin: Well just like me, he started getting a lot more energy. He's running harder and hitting the ball farther. So I keep bringing over more boli from the Dominican pharmacy.

Pseudonym: Why did he stop?

Cousin: He got pretty worried when his balls shriveled to the size of raisins. He's a pretty macho guy.

Pseudonym: Well there you have it. Alex Rodriguez's cousin confirms that he injected drugs into A-Rod.

Cybill Shepard turns 59 today

From one of the great films in the 1970s - The Last Picture Show

What will the Blue Jay opening lineup look like?

The starting lineup for 2009 is not substantially different than 2008 other than it has gotten younger. Fading veterans (Eckstein, Thomas and Stewart) have been largely replaced by younger players from the system. As well, the 2008 lineup did not have Rolen because of injury. Though no guarantee he will be healthy for the start of this season. However, Scutaro will likely retain a starting job but at shortstop. The younger players do not represent more speed but rather more power. Much is dependent on how far Snider can carry these guys offensively and what kind of magic Cito Gaston and hitting coach Gene Tenace can create.

Projected 2009

Opening Lineup

2008 Opening


Marco Scutaro (ss)

David Eckstein (ss)

Travis Snider (lf)

Shannon Stewart (lf)

Alex Rios (rf)

Alex Rios (rf)

Vernon Wells (cf)

Vernon Wells (cf)

Lyle Overbay (1st)

Frank Thomas (dh)

Scott Rolen (3rd)

Lyle Overbay (1st)

Aaron Hill (2nd)

Aaron Hill (2nd)

Adam Lind (dh)

Marco Scutaro (3rd)

Rod Barajas (c)

Gregg Zaun (c)

Starting pitching was the Jay’s strength last season but will be their weakness barring some miracle. Jesse Litsch has been vaulted from the #5 spot in the rotation to the #2 spot as a result of Burnett selling his soul to play for the Yankees and injuries to McGowan and Marcum. Rookies Purcey and Richmond would have to come up big to replace the two injured starters. Casey Janssen was terrific two years ago as a set up man to Accardo when Ryan was out with elbow surgery. But then he missed last season for surgery so it has been 3 years since he last started for the Jays. The bullpen looks to be as deep as last season with Ryan starting the season healthy. He will be supported by Accardo, Scott Downs, Brandon League, Jason Frasor and Brian Tallet. Someone from this group could be converted to a starter if (or maybe when) the rotation falters.

2009 Key Pitchers

2008 Key Pitchers

Roy Halliday (sp)

Roy Halliday (sp)

Jesse Litsch (sp)

A.J. Burnett (sp)

David Purcey (sp)

Dustin McGowan (sp)

Casey Janssen (sp)

Shaun Marcum (sp)

Scott Richmond (sp)

Jesse Litsch (sp)

B.J. Ryan (cl)

Jeremy Accardo (cl)

This lineup cannot be expected to do any better than 4th in the tough AL East.

Hump Day Hottie

Olivia Munn

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Amy Fisher takes her stripping act on the road

Surely there are other jobs out there for a 34 year old woman with two children. Amy Fisher has spent time in prison for attempted murder, taken on the porn industry and claims to be a “writer.”

The “Long Island Lolita” has launched her own adult website featuring none other than herself and now she is taking her show on the road. She just may end up at a strip club near you trying to cash in on her 15 minutes of fame that ended years ago.

My advice: find a day job!

One Hit Wonder

Musical Youth - Pass the Dutchie (1982)

Charges dismissed against Batman who wouldn't unmask

Hillsborough County Judge John Conrad dismissed two misdemeanor charges Tampa police lodged against Walsh Ian Nichols when he refused orders to take off his Batman mask.

Officers arrested Nichols in October as he was eating sushi on a curb outside an Ybor City club. Earlier a Tampa police sergeant saw a Batman figure drive by on a motorcycle near East 7th Avenue and North 15th Street. The sergeant ordered another officer to track the figure down. Nichols said the sergeant had told him to unmask himself weeks earlier.

Tampa authorities charged Nichols with wearing a mask in public. The law was written in 1951 and was designed to combat the Ku Klux Klan and is part of the section of Florida Statutes dealing with criminal anarchy and treason.

Best of Craigslist Toronto

We met in line at the cashier around 2:00 pm on Monday Jan. 26, 2009. I think you were with your daughter (Hm.....Should I have said your sister!). You said that I was cute. Let's get together. man..check that out a subway ....lets stop i got the munchies man.....i need to land somewhere and buy some more weed they have any at man cool...

I am a 36 year old attractive female who is looking for an older man for tonight. I have always had this fantasy and I'm hoping that it will be fulfilled tonight. Please send pictures.

Hi, I have a problem with my car. Took it in to a machanic, on saturday, where I was charged $340 to fix it. Drove way and in 20 miniutes the problem was back. I don't have anymore money to fix it. Would like someone to pretend to be my husband to go in to the shop with me to discuss this with the owner this week. I believe that they are trying to rip me off because I am a woman. I need someone who is assertive, looks physically commanding ,and knows something about cars. Sorrry, but there is no compensation. This is strictly voluntary. Thanks for reading.

Alex Rodriguez offers apology and lame admission

Alex Rodriguez stepped to the microphone and offered apologies and a somewhat uneven admission. While A-Rod admitted that he was injected with a substance two times a month for three years, he claims that he did not know that it was a steroid at the time.

He said he “knew he wasn’t taking tic tacs’” but also that he didn’t know what the affects of his usage would be. He said his cousin was the one who suggested using it and got it for him, but he refused to name his cousin.

Alex was clearer about a number of other things. He denied that he has ever used HGH and reiterated that his steroid use was only from 2001-2003 a period where he describes himself as “young and stupid”.

I just can't believe him. Who lets their cousin who is not a doctor shoot drugs into them twice a month for three years? This is not going to go away to quickly.


Carrie Underwood Takes Cover From The Jumbotron

Carrie Underwood has been dating a hockey player, Mike Fisher, who plays center for the Ottawa Senators. Naturally she has been showing up to games. When the Jumbotron caught Carrie on the big-screen last night her reaction was hilarious.

Israelis want a unity government

Nearly two-thirds of Israelis would like Kadima and the Likud to form a unity government, a survey conducted by Market Watch the day after last week's general election found.

According to the survey, 47 percent of the people questioned thought a day after the elections that Likud leader Binyamin Netanyahu should form the next government, while 39% thought Kadima leader Tzipi Livni should, Sixty-five percent said they would like to see Kadima and Likud in a unity government and 54% of them, most of whom were Netanyahu supporters, said it should not be a rotation government.

More than half of those surveyed said Labor should stay in the opposition, but 55% said they wanted its chairman Ehud Barak to keep the Defense portfolio. Only 20% said they would like to see former IDF chief of General Staff Moshe Ya'alon (Likud) as the next defense minister and just 9% thought Transportation Minister Shaul Mofaz (Kadima), also a former chief of General Staff and a former defense minister, should fill the post.

The only problem is that both Likud or Kadima have rejected rotating the Prime Minister portfolio. Though that might change once President Peres announces who he will ask to form a government.

Oh My! Trouble in Habsville

This was supposed to be Montreal's year. They were celebrating their 100th anniversary. They had hosted the All-Star game. They were going to win the Cup this year. But slowly the season has begun to unwind.

Last season's top powerplay unit is 25th overall this season. Key players like Carey Price and Alex Kovalev have been in slumps. There have been rumours that Canadiens players like to party. Chris Higgins, Carey Price and Sergei Kostitsyn have been singled out. It didn't help that the picture above has been circulating on the Internet. It is apparently from a trip to Mexico that Price and a few other Habs youngsters took last summer but they have caused quite a buzz with Montreal fans (who can often make Leafs fans appear comatose in comparison).

So this past weekend the Canadiens gave up some draft picks to bring back an aging Mathieu Schneider to help the powerplay. But the shit hit the fan today. Kostitsyn was demoted to the AHL today. Later in the day star Alex Kovalev has been given a leave of absence and will not be travelling with the team this week to Washington and Pittsburgh. As of now, the team is saying the reason is that he is tired and not playing well. This is a team that has already lost Alex Tanguay and Robert Lang to injuries.

I don't expect to see Kovalev ever put on a Habs jersey again. Bob Gainey is likely going to try to salvage the season so we may see a rare blockbuster trade real soon. This is what happens when there are 100 years of expectations placed on a team.

Girl plows car through a house then asks owners not to tell mom

After driving her speeding car through a home, an allegedly drunken 19-year-old woman pleaded with the homeowner, "Don't tell my mother," neighbors said. She crashed into the two-story house at the end of the cul-de-sac, continued through the living room and kitchen, and did not stop until she was on the backyard patio.

Police gave the woman a sobriety test, which she failed. The driver was taken to the hospital with minor injuries and arrested on suspicion of underage drunken driving.


How not to talk about sex to your kids

How To Get Compensated If Your Car Is Damaged By A Pothole in Toronto

They get you when you're coming. They get you when you're going. And if you're in your car, they'll eventually find you wherever you are. Potholes are as common as construction projects in the city and if you hate them as much as most drivers, you're not alone.

The city fixes thousands and thousands of the hidden hazards every year. But if they haven't quite gotten to the one you just ran over, your front end could be feeling a little sore. And so could your car!

Those rutted routes can play havoc with your vehicle, sometimes leading to expensive repair costs that you have no choice but to make to keep your well-oiled machines running. But it turns out, you may not have to.

If you can prove to the Toronto's sometimes exacting standards that damage to your car was caused by damage on a city street, they may pony up the cost of your next repair. But it's not easy. The cash strapped city keeps a vice-like grip on compensation and will dole out the cash for repairs only if you can really prove your case.

Jeff Madely is in charge of the city's insurance claims. To get money, he says you have to demonstrate negligence on the part of the city.

"Really the first course of action that an individual should take is to go to their own insurance company for recovery. They're insuring their vehicles. There's no obligation on a municipality to insure their vehicles," he states.

Do you have a claim you'd like to make? Here's how to get the ball rolling.

City of Toronto

First you have to prove it was the city's fault. Toronto's legal department never pays out a claim without a thorough investigation first.

Needless to say, they'd prefer you go through your insurance company first.

If you decide to pursue the complaint, you have to submit it in writing. The claim has to include the time, date and location of the incident, a description of what happened, and a damage estimate.

And don't wait. Any such bid for compensation has to be done, in the city's underlined words, "immediately".

Address your note to:

City Clerk's Office,
City Hall,
100 Queen Street West,
M5H 2N2

Fax: (416) 392-1867

Or you can email:

But even then you're not finished. Two weeks later, you'll get another letter in the mail acknowledging receipt of your complaint and if it's found valid, you'll then receive yet another form to fill out.

For more information, call (416) 397-4212.

City of Toronto pothole page

Ontario Highways

The needs are similar to the city, but the envelope or email goes somewhere else.

Mail a comprehensive claim that includes the time, date and location where the damage occurred, and include copies of any relevant documents - like a repair bill or an estimate.

Send it to:

Management Board Secretariat
Risk Management & Insurance Services
700 University Avenue,
6th Floor,
M7A 2S4

Here's where more government red tape comes in. You can fax the information if you want to (416) 314-4444 - but you have to follow it up with a mailed letter either way. And you may have to wait up to three months for an answer.

Call (416) 314-3445 for more information.

Pothole Repair

Finally, there's a way to get even with the pothole that did you in. In Toronto, call (416) 599-9090 and then push #1,6,4. You'll then be asked to pick the location you're concerned about and someone will take down your information. An inspector will go out and if the problem is serious it will be fixed right away. If not, it could take two or three days.

If you come across a hiccup on the highway, call (416) 235-4686 or toll-free at 1-800-268-4686.

York Region Potholes

To report a pothole in York Region, call 905-895-1200 x 5200 Not sure if it's a York Region road or a city road? Don't worry - they're sure to let you know.

Monday, February 16, 2009

AIDS or no AIDS Roberto Alomar keeps finding women

I couldn't help but notice during the media hype around the Roberto Alomar lawsuit, that Alomar has found yet another hot girlfriend. When Ilya Dall came forward with her $15 million lawsuit alleging mental anguish for having unprotected sex with her, another woman came forward to defend Alomar. That woman, Mariply Rivera claims Alomar is healthy and that Dall is out to destroy him.

It just so happens that Rivera is a Peurto Rican model.

Hey Bush is not the worst U.S. President

In honour of "Presidents' Day," CSPAN "...releases the results of its second Historians Survey of Presidential Leadership, in which a cross-section of 65 presidential historians ranked the 42 former occupants of the White House on ten attributes of leadership." The results, not surprisingly, are not so good for recent presidents.

Bill Clinton ranks higher now, 15th overall, up 6 slots from 21 since 2000. Being allowed by one of the worst can do that.

Amazing Race: Swiss Cheese Task

My wife was watching The Amazing Race last night when I noticed this incredibly hilarious task involving giant wheels of cheese and a steep hill in Switzerland. The best was a hillbilly couple from Virginia - Linda and Steve.

Try this at Vancouver Airport and guaranteed you'll be tasered

Woman totally loses it when she missed her flight at Hong Kong International Airport!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Mug Shot of the Week

How Salma Hayek developed big breasts

Fashion Disaster

Some stupid woman is suing Miley Cyrus

A woman is suing Miley Cyrus for $4 billion on behalf of all Asian-Americans for making an inappropriate face in a picture. Because this type of slight is really worth $4 billion. Miley made a couple of lame apologies so get over it. You can't be suing people every time they piss you off.

Top 10 David Letterman disaster interviews

10. Joaquin Phoenix (2009)
We may never know whether in the recent interview Joaquin was just goofing around or stoned out of his mind. And the beard is just too much.

9. Farrah Fawcett (1997)
Farrah rambles on forever without making a word of sense. Certainly reinforces the airhead image.

8. Drew Barrymore (1995)
For his birthday, a 19 year old Drew flashes Dave much to his embarrassment. He still talks about it. Last year a more mature Drew refused to reprise her performance on his birthday.

7. Kirsten Stewart (2008)
Kirsten fails to realize how she was made victim to Dave's rapier whit.

6. Madonna (1994)
Madonna is annoyed by Dave's weak introduction and gets revenge by dropping the F-bomb repeatedly. He gets annoyed and informs her that the tape won't see the light of day.

5. Paris Hilton (2007)
Shortly after her release from jail Paris appeared on Letterman. She did not want to talk about her jail time but that's all Dave wanted to talk about.

4. Andy Kaufman (1982)
Kaufman and wrestler Jerry Lawlor lose it on Letterman but you have no idea if it is real or just staged.

3. Crispin Glover (1987)
Like the recent Joaquin Phoenix appearance, Glover is seems wasted but is it an act or real? Dave allows him to ramble on and it nearly gets ugly.

2. Mike (Kramer) Richards (2006)
After Richards loses it on stage at a comedy club with a racist tirade, he comes on Letterman to an apology via satellite. He comes off totally insincere and the audience actually laughs.

1. Harvey Pekar (1988)
Harvey Pekar, the American Splendor comic writer annoyed Letterman so much that he got himself banned for life. Later Pekar claims he was doing a self-parody.