Saturday, June 12, 2010

Stanley Cup parade or Running of the Bulls?

Well there almost as many injuries (75 people reported received treatment) in Chicago as there are in Pamplona during the Running of the Bulls. Well there were 2 million fans out in Chicago and a few may have been drinking...continuously since Wednesday's final game.

Jim Nabors turns 80 today

As Gomer Pyle in 1964

Jim Nabors with the Jackson 5 in 1970

Jim Nabors today

Fashion Disaster

When did cute Hilary Duff turn into a chubby leopard?

El Salvador is having a major clown crisis

More than 100 clowns have taken to the streets in El Salvador to protest against the murder of a bus passenger killed by two "impostor clowns". The professional jesters, who perform on the country's bus routes, marched down San Salvador's main street chanting "real clowns are not criminals".

The protest follows the shooting of a bus passenger on Monday by the impostors after he refused to give them money. The man was shot five times in the face and stomach then other passengers on the bus were robbed. Police are yet to make any arrests. The protesters, dressed in oversized bow ties, tiny hats and colourful make-up, said they were aiming to entertain and educate passers-by during their march.

"We are protesting so that people know we are not killers," said professional clown Ana Noelia Ramirez. "The people who did this are not clowns. They unfortunately used our costume and our make-up to commit a monstrous act."

The leader of the clown union, Carlos Vasquez, has confirmed plans to issue ID to all real clowns and urged police to detain those who do not have them. The performers are a familiar sight on El Salvador's buses and also in the streets where they juggle and do tricks at busy intersections for waiting traffic. But in a country where there are a dozen deaths a day related to drugs and gangs, the clowns are worried about becoming associated with El Salvador's criminal underworld.

Wars are raging in the Middle East, financial crisis in Europe and beyond, a catastrophic oil spill in the Gulf, the Koreans are close to war, global warming, the Toronto Maple Leafs 43 yearts without a Stanley Cup. Did I leave anything out? Oh yes the El Salvadoran clown union is pissed off.

Uninsured woman shoots herself to get treatment

A woman, out of work, and unable to afford health insurance, says she shot herself so that she'd finally get medical treatment for a shoulder injury. It happened on Thursday afternoon at her home. Kathy Myers, 41, says she hurt her shoulder about a month ago while playing with her dogs in her backyard.

And while she has been treated with pain medication, she says the pain has become unbearable, but she can't see a specialist to fix the problem because she can't afford health insurance. "They said it would have to be life-threatening or imminent danger for them to do anything, so I was making it be imminent danger that something had to be done," she said. The bullet missed anything major and she was released from the hospital a few hours later.

"I really didn't accomplish what I hoped it would accomplish. I was really hoping it would hit an artery or bone so they would do the surgery and fix me," she said. "I have no suicide wish. My life sucks right now but I want to live. I've got lots to live for and there's more good than bad in everything in my life, so that's not what it was about at all... I just want to take the pain away." She’s now searching for a specialist that will accept some sort of payment plan she can afford.

Well we now can figure out why Kathy is unemployed and uninsured - she is a moron. If she had fired a bullet into her head it still wouldn't have been life threatening. But it would have been fun listening to the bullet rattling around in her empty skull.

Drunk Russian Week

Sign of the day

Friday, June 11, 2010

I swear I thought this woman had 6 breasts

This was so gross I stopped staring at women's breasts for 2 full hours.

Ouch, woman tries to twist off nuts of security guard

A suspected shoplifter allegedly fought with a Home Depot security guard, twisting his testicles and pulling a knife.

According to police, 30-year-old Robin Roberts stole several items from the store in Dallas. When stopped by a security guard as she tried to leave the location, the Bridgeport resident attacked, police said.

"She immediately pushed him with both hands in an attempt to flee from him," according to a police report.

The suspect and the guard then fell to the floor and began tussling. During the fight, an unidentified man drove up to the store and also attacked the guard, before fleeing, police said.

That's when, police said, Roberts grabbed and twisted the guard's testicles. The injured man backed away from Roberts, who then pulled a pocket knife, according to investigators.

The guard was able to disarm Roberts, they said.

However, the second suspect returned and tried to get the stolen merchandise from the guard, police said. He was unsuccessful.

The guard then cuffed Roberts, who continued struggling, police said.

Roberts was arrested and was initially charged with aggravated robbery for the May 24 incident. But police have now downgraded the charge to robbery.

I've always said that in exceptional circumstances I might be in favour of capital punishment. Well this is one of those cases. Fire up sparky!


Dutch council to help jobless women find rich men

Unemployed Dutch women are being offered a €1,400 fashion and beauty makeover and free membership of a dating agency to get them off the dole by finding a solvent husband. Single jobseekers will be given a new hairstyle and outfit, and tips from a life coach on how to attract a new partner or a job. They will also be given instruction in social and presentation skills and a place on the exclusive matchmaking service Mens & Relatie (People and Relationships), boosted by a professional photograph of their new image. Mens & Relatie claims a 75 per cent success rate in finding long-term partners for its clients.

The thinking behind the scheme, organised by three councils in Friesland, in the north of the Netherlands, is that finding love helps to get the unemployed off state benefits by improving confidence, ambition and motivation. Some local politicians, however, have criticised it as unethical and a waste of taxpayers’ money. “This is a total concept of trying to get people out of social security,” said Radboud Visser, the managing director of Mens & Relatie, which was hired by the three municipalities to find employed new partners for unemployed lonelyhearts. “We know from national statistics that people in a relationship have better health, more happiness, make more money and live longer lives. They make less use of medical systems and social security. So in Friesland they thought, we can try to get people out of social security by bringing them to a nice new husband.”

Mr Visser said that the first candidate for the scheme had already enrolled. It is available to men and women, but he said he expected most of his clients to be female. “Social security costs €650 a month and Friesland pays us around €650 once — so when they are able to get someone out of social security, they have made their money back after just one month,” he said. More than 600 unemployed people are eligible for the scheme in the three councils. However, after publicity, some of it adverse, in the Dutch media, the scheme has been put on hold in one of the councils and put under review in the second, with a spokesman saying they were “reconsidering their plans”.

Mr Visser has no doubts that the State and the unemployed will benefit. “If you go for a job interview or on an interview for a new partner, it is almost the same thing. You must be sure you look good, you take care of your body and your face and you say the right things. I am sure that people who have done this will be on social security for less time because they will find a job and a partner.”

Computers that may be in my basement week

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Sign of the day

How to build a winner in today's NHL

Building a championship team in the NHL is constantly evolving as the style of play and the type of player changes over time. Now the existence of the salary cap is another factor to consider.

Prior to NHL expansion, the original six teams sponsored junior teams which feed players to the NHL clubs. Recruiting players for your junior teams (Toronto Marlies, St. Catherines Blackhawks, Hamilton Red Wings, etc.) was how you developed players for your NHL team and farm teams. When the Amateur Draft was introduced and junior sponsorship ended, it put teams on an equal footing and ended the dominance of the Maple Leafs and Canadiens in signing players in Ontario and Quebec.

Since that time, general managers have had to use their wile to get a jump on the competition. No surprise that the Maple Leafs and not been in a championship series since 1967. In the 1970s the Flyers became the first expansion team to win a Stanley Cup by building a team that blended skill and physical intimidation. Soon other teams copied their style and they lost their advantage. In the 1980s the Oilers dominated not just because they owned Wayne Gretzky but because they were able to adapt the way the game was played in Europe to the NHL. That style was adopted by others including the Pittsburgh Penguins.

As expansion continued, coaches in expansion cities decided to adopt a defensive game to keep their teams competitive against skill teams and to save their jobs. This style spread to small market teams who couldn't afford a team loaded with skill players. The trap was born and the Devils became the model team. All you needed was a good system to stifle the opposition and a top notched goalie who doesn't give up soft goals.

The lockout and rule changes that followed killed the trap. Teams struggled to figure out how to put together a winner under a salary cap. However, a pattern has begun to appear. Just look at Tampa Bay, Carolina, Anaheim, Pittsburgh and Chicago. Tampa Bay was 29th overall in both the 1999-00 and 2000-01 season and won the Stanley Cup in 2003-04. Carolina was 30th overall in 2002-03 and won the Cup in 2005-06. Anaheim was 26th overall in 2003-04 then won the Cup in 2006-07. Then Penguins finished 29th in 2002-03, 30th in 2003-04 and 29th in 2004-05 before going on to win the Cup in 2008-09. Finally Chicago finishes 29th in 2003-04, 28th in 2005-06 and 26th in 2006-07 yet won the Cup in 2009-10.

The formula for a Stanley Cup is to move out your veterans, finish with lottery picks for 2 or 3 years, then bulk up by filling out your roster through free agency. Most of these team have won Cups with young stars (Staal, Perry, Geflatz, Crosby, Malkin, Toews, and Kane) well before their reach their prime. The reason is economics. While they are young, they are also cheap. This allows teams to sign veterans to play with them. However, as the young players sign more lucrative contracts, their teams must unload the secondary scoring which weakens the team and makes it next to impossible to repeat. Once you finish higher in the standings you don't get the opportunity to draft more impact players that can jump straight into your lineup with little economic impact. Chicago must dump salaries next season which means a weaker lineup. It happened to Pittsburgh and Anaheim. Detroit tried to buck the trend by convincing players to stay with the organization and accepting contracts below their market value. However, this past season several players refused and signed elsewhere (Hossa, Kopecky, Samuelsson).

Which brings me to the Maple Leafs. Brian Burke has decided to short circuit the process by using draft picks to bring in younger quality players. So a 29th overall finish this season will not result in an impact player. Instead the Leafs acquire Phil Kessel who is only 22 years old but is paid $5.4 million. They bring in Dion Phaneuf who is only 24 years old but is paid $6.5 million. When you are paying your young stars big dollars, it limits the players you can bring in to play around them. Which means the likelihood of the Maple Leafs reaching the Stanley Cup finals is not good.

Is that a Hoover in your pants or ...?

A 94-year-old Arizona man has been arrested on suspicion of child abuse after being caught allegedly pleasuring himself with a vacuum cleaner.

Dale Warren Graham, from the town of Payson, was sprung by police on Thursday in another person's garage with the running vacuum attached to the front of his pants, officials say.

The bizarre arrest followed a three-week investigation into claims he had molested two young children, My FOX Phoenix reports.

Police believe there may be more victims, estimated to be aged between eight and 17 years, and have appealed for them to come forward.

Graham has been charged with public sexual indecency, aggravated assault, and child molestation.

I'm disgusted by the child abuse accusation. I hope he doesn't get off because of his age. But I'm intrigued by his vacuum cleaner activity. Sure we always joke about this stuff. But obviously it works. I need to do some research.



If I Had a Billion Dollars

A feeble attempt by Liberal supporters to satirize the billion plus dollar boondoggle the Harper government has created around the G8 and G20 summits. Much of the spending is related to buying votes in rural Ontario. Keep in mind that this pales in comparison to what Liberals used to spend in Quebec to buy votes. A politician is a politician. Doesn't matter if they wear a red tie or blue tie.

Should have gotten the Bare Naked Ladies to play your song. I doubt they vote Conservative.

Mug Shot of the Week

Computers that may be in my basement week

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Johnny Depp turned 47 today

In 21 Jump Street in 1988

At the Peoples Choice Awards this year

Sign of the day

The Curse of Frank Mahovlich continues

The Blackhawk drought finally ends after 49 years. The Maple Leaf drought reaches 43 years. Read more here.

Britney Spears is the Twitter Queen

Britney Spears has become the first person in Twitter history to reach 5 million followers. Do you need anymore proof that Twitter is the domain of twits. Obviously the Princess of Pop still has a large following but I would not have expected her to have so many followers on Twitter. She tweets very sporadically — most of the time it’s her manager Adam tweeting for her and his comments are not exactly the most interesting to read. Here is a sample. Read carefully.


I saw Alice in Wonderland. It was soooo good!!! -Britney

Need to rehab from that car accident? Try beer and cigarettes

This three-year-old turned to booze and nicotine to recover from a horrific road traffic accident.

Chinese toddler Ya Wen started downing pints of beer and smoking up to a pack a day after she was struck by a speeding van and spent five days in a coma, her parents told the Yangcheng Evening Post.

Gao Wen said her daughter's personality changed dramatically and she started acting like an adult shortly after leaving the hospital.

First she was busted hiding in the toilet smoking her dad's cigarettes, then the girl turned to stealing them from a local store - before the owner let her have them on credit.

The store owner said he assumed the child was buying the butts for dear old dad, adding that the child would take up to two packs away at a time.

Meanwhile, a chain-smoking toddler in Indonesia who threw tantrums if he did not have 40 cigarettes a day has managed to curb his addiction, by cutting down to just 15 a day.

Woman calls 911 for a husband, gets arrested

Crazies will call 911 for just about any reason. How about a grown man who calls 911 because his mom took his beer. How about calling for phone sex? Chinese restaurant light on shrimp, well call 911. Well Audrey Scott called five times in one hour asking for a husband.

Salma Hayek totally loses it after seeing a snake

Good thing it was just a garden snake. She would have soiled her undie if it had been a python or rattle snake.

Hmm, maybe not the best way to load the jetski into the van

Computers that may be in my basement week

Hump Day Hottie

Brooklyn Decker

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Weeding proposals you might want to avoid

It's not the most romantic spot for a marriage proposal but it’s one that worked for Steven Sparks - the 41-year-old got down on one knee in front of girlfriend Carolyn Payne during a trip to Victorian sewers.

And the 29-year-old said ‘yes’ in front of her clapping fellow tour-goers despite the unusual surroundings.

‘Anyone can get engaged at the Eiffel Tower or over a candlelit dinner but this was unique,’ said Mr Sparks.


A man's plan to propose to his girlfriend on a mountain in the US ended in tragedy when the pair were struck by lightning, it was reported today.

Richard Butler and his girlfriend, Bethany Lott, both from Knoxville, Tennessee, were hit as they hiked in the North Carolina mountains. Lott was killed, while Butler suffered third degree burns.

Butler, 30, had driven Lott, his partner of a year, to Max Patch Bald, near Asheville, saying they would be going for a stroll.

He had planned to present her with an engagement ring at the top of the mountain.

When they reached the peak, lightning struck three times, with the third strike hitting the couple .

"She didn't say anything, and I turned around and she was lying a few feet away, and I crawled to her," Butler told the Ashville Citizen Times.

"I did CPR for probably 15 minutes and the whole time was trying her cell phone, but I couldn't get anything out."

Is this t-shirt promoting anorexia?

Retailer Urban Outfitters recently debuted a new t-shirt on their website and it’s caused quite a bit of controversy.

The gray t-shirt pictured on the site has “Eat Less” scrawled across the front. The description of the shirt says “Eat less or more or however much you’d like in this seriously soft knit tee cut long and topped with a v-neck.”

Many are saying that the “Eat Less” message of the t-shirt promotes eating disorders, poor body image and low self esteem. Other’s say it’s just a shirt and to lighten up.

Once word of the shirt hit the masses, the backlash began and Urban Outfitters has since pulled the shirt from their website, even though it is still available in stores.

Yup, some more political correctness. Would it be alright if I wore a t-shirt that said "Fat Fuck" across the front?

Happy 70th birthday Nancy Sinatra

Nancy in 1966 singing about her boots

Nancy today

Parents of the Year Candidates

This video was caught by TV cameras and now Child Protective Services in Philadelphia is seeking to launch a probe into who the child’s parents are, asking them to come forward or for those who may know them to offer up information.

So what do you think is worse? The beer drinking juvenile Phillies fan or the 2 year old baby that smokes?

Sign of the day

found at a BP gas station

Bride changes name to get revenge on Thomas Cook

A bride-to-be was so disgusted at being charged a fee to change her honeymoon booking she has altered her name to ‘I Hate Thomas Cook’. Austin Kettle, 26, now answers to ‘Mrs Lorraine Darla I Hate Thomas Cook And Its Associates Big Shot Company Treading on the Little Guy Leeks’. She saw red when Thomas Cook said she would have to pay a fee to change the surname on her honeymoon booking.

Mrs Leeks, from Ipswich, Suffolk, plans to get married in February 2011, and last month booked her honeymoon to Gambia under her married name. But she later realised she would not have enough time to change the name on her passport and contacted the company to amend the booking details.

When Thomas Cook said she would have to pay a fee she refused to do so and decided on her bizarre form of revenge. She changed her name, include her first name from Austin to Lorraine, using the Legal Deed Poll Service. She said: ‘I wasn’t angry with Thomas Cook; at first I was a bit upset but it was just a bit of a crazy moment.

‘My fiancĂ© thinks I’m crazy. The amusing thing is he will have to say my new name during the wedding ceremony.’ A spokeswoman for Thomas Cook said: ‘The name on their booking must match the name on their passport.’

All I can say is that it's good thing she didn't get pissed off at Dildo Run Provincial Park in Newfoundland.

Computers that may be in my basement week

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Retro Nazi game: Beat the Jew

Seven seniors at a Southern California high school were facing disciplinary action for participating in a game called "Beat the Jew" in which losers were subjected to "incineration" or "enslavement," a school administrator said.

The game involved some students playing the role of Nazis who blindfolded and dropped off other students playing Jews who must find their way back to the campus.

I hear that Gas Chamber is a helluva lot of fun. People are so surprised when they find out there is no water in the showers.


Sandra Bernhard is 55 today

Sandra Bernhard in the King of Comedy is 1983

Sandra today

On TV, newspapers never change...literally

Here is something I just learned. For copyright reasons, most TV shows and movies don't use real newspapers, they use a fake prop paper. And apparently, they all use the same exact one. So the news hasn't changed in years. The headline you will see is She's 3rd Brightest But Hard "Gal" To See.

Below is the prop newspaper and the 3rd Brightest Gal throughout the years as compiled by a genius Picasa user.

Modern Family (2010)

Cougar Town (2009)

Desperate Housewives (2006)

Six Feet Under (2003)

Married With Children (1997)

Dallas (1991)


How is that oil spill coming along?

This will go down as the greatest environmental disaster in the history of mankind. Bigger than Three Mile Island. Bigger than the Bhopal gas leak. Bigger than Chernobyl. Bigger than the Love Canal waste site. Bigger than mad cow disease. News

The picture of the dying and dead animal life is disheartening. Clean up will take a long time and it is estimated that it will cost BP $1 billion. But don't worry about BP because their most recent reported profits were $82 billion. So BP will take a hit of just over 1% in profits to clean up of the Gulf.

Watch live streaming video from wkrg_oil_spill at

The ugliest backyard in my neighbourhood

My next door neighbour (who has never said hello in the five years I've lived here) is not much for keeping up her property. It's not a nightmare but it sure isn't pretty. Take her backyard which I have to look at everyday. It used to be 45 ft x 25 ft patch of weeds. Two years ago she went to the expense of putting in a texture concrete patio in her back (that she doesn't use). She had the mini-deck torn down and had another one built the same sixe (big enough to hold a BBQ and a person to do the grilling). The area not occupied by cement, she planted about 20 ordinary ceder trees and then threw down a thin layer of red ceder chips.

Well half the ceders are now dead from neglect. There are huge weeds growing through out her backyard which I am forced to battle as they try in encroach on my backyard. As I said not a pretty site.

By the way I won't be listed in House and Garden but at least I keep a respectable joint...

Sign of the day

One Hit Wonder

Brownsville Station - Smokin' In The Boys Room (1973)

Inventor sues after device turned into sex toy

A Houston inventor whose medical device turns out to have more market value as an adult novelty item was in federal court on Friday fighting against what he claims are sex toy knockoffs. “Our business took a major detour when men started using our prostate massager for recreational purposes,” said Amy Sung, executive director of High Island Health, a Houston company named for a translation of her inventor father Jiro Takashima's Japanese name.

The product in question is called a Pro-State massager on the company's white and blue-hued medical website, which features a happy-looking, fully dressed middle-aged couple and promises better health. Massager starter kits start out at $78.50. The massager is also called Aneros on the company's red and black-colored adult novelty website, which features younger naked people and promises great orgasms. That starter kit goes for $49.95.

Sung said once they realized in around 2003 that the product was selling more as a toy than for medicinal purposes she started advertising it to both markets, despite her father's initial reluctance. One of their slogans is, “The sex toy that's good for you.” Takashima and High Island have sued British company Libertybelle Marketing, also known as Pleasure2Me, and others claiming infringement of the 1998 patent of the plastic massager designed to massage a man's prostate without the use of electrical power.

Amy said he's in court because he feels the copies have cheapened his work and also might be dangerous because they aren't carefully crafted. U.S. District Judge Lynn Hughes has yet to decide on the motions that could stop the case in its tracks or send it on to trial.

Computers that may be in my basement week