Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sign of the day

It's The Big Lebowski week

Jose Bautista hits home run #42

Jose Bautista launches #42 against Jusin Verlander. That's 5 homers in his last 10 games. He is now only 5 homers away from the Blue Jay record and on pace for 52 for the season.

George Bell 47
Jose Canseco 46
Carlos Delgado 44
Shawn Green 42
Jose Bautista 42

Driver of the Year

This driver may not be as skilled as last year's Driver of the Year. Afterall she only totals her own car. But she's still a pro.

Friday, August 27, 2010

I thought that was too sticky for massage oil

Dan Duffy, an Iowa chiropractor, was charged with assault after a complaint was filed by a patient in Dallas County in January.

According to the complaint, a woman being examined for a back injury was lying on her stomach when Duffy pulled up her shirt to expose her lower back.

According to the woman's statement, Duffy began massaging her lower right back and buttocks area. Sometime during the exam Duffy left the exam room. He then returned to the room and stood on the left side of the table. The woman told authorities that at that point she heard Duffy unzip his pants and heard what she described as "masturbating."

The woman said that after the exam her mother took her to the police station. Police swabbed her lower back for evidence.

The state Division of Criminal Investigation lab confirmed that sperm from the lower back swabs on the woman matched Duffy's DNA profile.

This guy is a chiropractor but too stupid to realize that in 2010 they have DNA testing. Just leave the evidence all over her back.

It's Pee Wee Herman's special day (#58)

Here is Pee Wee back in 1991 after exposing his little bits in a porn movie house

With David Letterman in 1984

It's The Big Lebowski week

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Sign of the day

City of Vaughan likely has the most dysfunctional council in Canada

Liberal MP Maurizio Bevilacqua announced his resignation from federal politics Wednesday, causing widespread speculation that he plans to run for mayor of Vaughan. Well I can tell you that it is pretty much a certainty. Two weeks ago I got a call from a pollster asking my perference between 3 mayoralty candidates - Bevilacqua, incumbent Mayor Linda Jackson and former MPP Mario Racco. Except one of the choices (Bevilacqua) wasn't declared so it was obvious who was paying for the pollster.

Bevilacqua will be a welcome addition to the race and likely a front runner. Vaughan politics is an absolute mess. The 2006 election was won by a handful of votes. It was followed by recounts, legal action and whole lot of wasted money. City councillors who were loyal to former mayor Michael Di Biase refused to work with Jackson. Linda Jackson is daughter of former mayor Lorna Jackson who died in office and Di Biase was appointed to fill the vacant post.

An audit of Jackson's 2006 campaign finances found that the politician exceeded her legal spending limit of $120,419 by at least $12,356, or 10 per cent. The auditors also found found other apparent contraventions of the Canada Elections Act, including at least five instances where associated companies made donations that exceeded the normal $750 donation limit per company. Subsequently an audit was conducted on former Mayor DiBiase;s 2006 election campaign funds. This exposed 27 contraventions under the Elections Act, along with a $155,000 anonymous cash payment made to his lawyer to cover his legal fees. Mr. DiBiase has refused to disclose who made this payment. so our current and former mayors could end up in jail.

While we are discussing our ethical Vaughan politicians let's not forget Councillor Joyce Frustaglio. In 2008, she signed cheques in the amount of nearly $35,000 to companies owned by her son Steve. An internal investigation cleared her and, to this day, she says the work was legitimate and she simply did not notice the name of her son’s company among the many cheques she was signing in her role as acting mayor when Jackson was away.

The other major candidate is Mario Racco who is a former city counsellor and MPP. Racco was defeated by Progressive Conservative candidate Peter Shurman in 2007. That was quite an accomplishment in election where the Liberals pummeled the John Tory-led Conservatives. Now in the riding of Thornhill which has a heavy Jewish population, funding of religious schools was an significant issue. However, a candidate with a little more brain power and speaking ability could have prevailed as an incumbent. Mario Racco will never be a candidate for Mensa.

Then we have a gaggle of nobodies running on a platform of integrity. So who do we know they have integrity? Well because they say they do. David Natale is a local business manager and political neophyte, a quality he considers a strength in Vaughan. Sure, it takes no experience to run a city with a budget of $250 million. Tony Lorini is a Woodbridge resident and owner of a paint contracting company who sees himself as a consensus builder. I guess Benjamin Moore provides painters with mediation skills. Savino Quatela is a local senior and council meeting fixture who says he won’t collect a salary if elected mayor.

Then there is Paul Donofrio is a former fleet car manager with the city who wants to protect whistle-blowers on staff. Donofrio, former co-ordinator of Vaughan's vehicle fleet sued the city for wrongful dismissal after being fired in 2006. He alleged inappropriate actions by Vaughan officials, including the supply and service of city-owned and leased vehicles. He alleged that a senior Vaughan official threatened to break his legs if he didn't sign paperwork authorizing tens of thousands of dollars in payments to a Mississauga company contracted to repair sidewalk snowplows. The lawsuit was eventually settled. Just what we need as mayor, someone with a grudge against the city.

So welcome to the city from Hell Maurizio Bevilacqua. I hope you don't mind the stench.

Ex-Russian spy is not ready to disappear yet

Below is a photoshoot in Russia of ex-spy Anna Chapman. You have to love this video. Chapman is vamping it up as best as she can. Afterall she isn't famous for being a great spy.

WTF, Macaulay Culkin is 30

Yeah, Kevin McCallister is 30 and I'm an old fart. The kid was basically a one hit wonder but he's earned more money for those lame movies than I will ever see.

Danish Bunny Jumping Championship

Well when it comes to competitive sports the Danes are Kings. I never heard of bunny jumping but talk about intensity. It's like horse jumping but with a smaller course and far less dung to clean up. I'm putting down $5 on fluffy.

Burglars flee leaving behind sex tape

A couple broke into a house, stripped naked before filming themselves having sex.

But when they heard someone, the couple fled in a panic, leaving the camera showing them having sex.

The criminal pair had sex on camera at a rural home in Washington state, when someone arrived to collect the mail while the homeowner was away, according to broadcaster KXRO-AM.

The naked couple fled, but left behind their camera with the incriminating footage.

Grays Harbor County sheriff's Chief Deputy Dave Pimentel said that deputies who checked the video recognised the couple from previous contacts.

The woman was arrested for investigation of burglary, while an arrest warrant has been issued for her accomplice.


Terrorist suspect Khurram Sher, great dance moves, lousy voice

What a world we live in! Terrorist suspect Khurram Syed Sher, a McGill medical school graduate auditioned for Canadian Idol in Season 6. How do you reconcile anti-Western beliefs with the desire to be a pop star and medical school? Police should have been suspicious when he showed a liking to Avril Lavigne and moonwalking. That doesn't describe anyone coming out of McGill.

Man arrested for arguing with his bike

A drunk Stuart man was jailed after deputies say he was engaged in an "obscene argument" with his bicycle, a recently released arrest affidavit states.

Martin County Sheriff's deputies spotted Richard Bialon, 68, at around 4 a.m. on Tuesday "yelling at his bicycle" in the parking lot of a Mobil gas station in the 3900 block of South Kanner Highway.

"Customers were coming to the Mobil and were very disturbed as to the yelling and obscene argument the defendant was having with his bicycle." The affidavit didn't specify what the argument was about or whether Bialon had accused the pedal-powered vehicle of wrongdoing.

Bialon, of the 5500 block of South Kanner Highway, had been imbibing all day and was described as "very intoxicated." He was arrested on a misdemeanor disorderly intoxication charge and taken to jail.

It's The Big Lebowski week

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Is Jose Bautista on the juice?

It's inevitable that Jays outfielder Jose Bautista is now the subject of speculation regarding steroid use. It was a little disappointing to see Damien Cox raise the issue this week in his blog. He knew he would be criticized but felt the question had to be asked.

I don't really care for Cox but he's right. For too long MLB looked the other way as players suddenly changed physically followed by a radical change in performance. Who can forget the Oriole's Brady Anderson who out of nowhere hit 50 home runs. The physical transformation of Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds. Roger Clemens has a career best ERA at age 42 when most pitchers are cashing pension cheques.

The question has to be asked whenever you see an aberation like Bautista's incredible season. That's because baseball looked the other way for too long. Even when a bottle of andro was spotted on the top shelf of Mark McGwire's locker no alarm bells went off.

Now you can try to defend Bautista's performance. He hasn't physically changed but rather his swing has changed. Afterall last season he hit 3 home runs from April to August and 10 in just September. Even this season has been really a work in progress. Bautista hit only 4 home runs in both April and June. Bautista isn't the only successful project undertaken by Cito Gaston. So you really need to give some credit to Gaston and hitting coach Dwayne Murphy and less to the miracle of pharmaceuticals.

Bautista is not the only late bloomer that baseball has seen. Randy Johnson was not a pitching ace until the age of 30. Lee Stevens was not a regular major leaguer until age 30 as well.

But if baseball has learned from the past then Bautista and other major leaguers are being tested regularly. Let's just hope that this is a true story about a journeyman who works his way up to stardom. It would be nice for a change.

Sign of the day

Happy 80th Birthday Sean Connery

Dr. No (1962)

Marnie (1964)

The Man Who Would Be King (1975)

The Name Of The Rose (1986)

The Hunt For Red October (1990)

Finding Forester (2000)

It's The Big Lebowski week

Hump Day Hottie

Miss Universe

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

You think traffic is bad in your area?

A 62-mile traffic jam going into Beijing, China has entered its 10th day. Roadside vendors have quadrupled prices on noodles. Interviewed drivers say they're not leaving because alternate routes would use up more gas.

Vendors selling food at the side of the highway

It's sort of like the extreme version of not wanting to switch lines at the grocery store because you've already stood in the current one so long.

Thousands of trucks en route to Beijing from Huai'an in the southeast have been backed up since Aug. 14, making the National Expressway 100 impassable, Xinhua News reported.

A spokesman for the Beijing Traffic Management Bureau reportedly told China's Global Times newspaper that the backup was due to "insufficient traffic capacity … caused by maintenance construction."

Bored rivers playing cards to kill time

The construction is scheduled to last until Sept. 13.

Sign of the day

Woman arrested for using a vibrator while driving

It was likely the most unique traffic stop two police officers from Elmwood Place police have ever had.

Officers pulled over 32-year-old Colondra Hamilton for an equipment violation on Aug. 17 around 7:30 p.m. in the 200 block of Township Avenue in Elmwood Place.

Officers found Hamilton to have her pants unbuttoned with a female sex toy in her lap. She told officers she had been using the toy while driving, as well as watching a video on a computer her passenger was holding. It is not clear what the nature of that video was.

Hamilton was also found to be in possession of a broken crack pipe.

Hamilton is charged with driving with misdemeanor impaired alertness and two counts of possession of drug paraphernalia. According to court records, Hamilton has a lengthy criminal history.

This is a serious case of multi-tasking. Seriously I checked Ontario's The Countering Distracted Driving and Promoting Green Transportation Act, 2009, which is our law banning cell phones while driving. It does not cover dildos. You cannot use an iPod but a little stimulation is just fine.


Catch of the year

Hey how about this one-handed bare catch while carrying a tray of food.

It's The Big Lebowski week

Monday, August 23, 2010

Anti-Ground Zero mosque hysteria

I am not surprised yet I can't help but shake my head over the hysteria about a mosque. As a descendant of Holocaust survivors the significance of restricting the location of a house of worship and racial stereotyping really hit home. Just as not all Jews are rich, not all Muslims are terrorists.

It's not just Americans. I met a Canadian this weekend who plans to go down to New York this week to join the protests. But it's an election year in America and politicians love wedge issues and this one is a humdinger. The people who brought down the Twin Towers are going to build a monument to commemorate their victory at the site of their monstrous act.

I abhor racism of any kind. Nothing can justify it. After all, tolerance of intolerance is not tolerance at all.

Mug Shot of the Week - The Hot Edition

Holy Jose (Bautista)! He does it again!

Revenge can be so sweet. Still steamed about a head-high pitch in his previous at bat, Jose Bautista took his sweet time circling the bases on a tiebreaking solo blast in the eighth inning, a shot that helped the Blue Jays beat the New York Yankees 3-2.

Two more home runs give Bautista 40 for the year and on track to get 52. The Jay record is 47 by George Bell in a MVP year. Bautista showed a rare display of cockiness as he rounded the bases as payback for the ball at his head.

The whispering about Bautista being juiced has now increased to a dull roar. Sure it's possible but the explanation regarding adjustments to his swing are also reasonable. Repeating in the future may be tough. Look at the year Adam Lind has had.

U.S. Justice Department seeks Ebonics experts

The Atlanta field division of the Drug Enforcement Administration, apparently, has all of these bugged tapes of black people, but can't understand any of it. So it's looking to hire nine "Ebonics" speakers, to translate this garbled nonsense.

A DEA request for personnel, obtained by The Smoking Gun, lists over 100 languages for which it needs 2100 fluent "linguists," to help field offices translate and transcribe "telephonic monitoring of court ordered nonconsensual intercepts, consensual listening devices, and other media.

The agency spends about $70 million annually on linguistic service programs, according to contract records.


Florida chef goes Steve Slater after being fired

Word is out, if you are going to get fired then you might as well go out with a bang and two bottles of beer. But don't scare the shit out of everyone because so one might decide to clobber you in the head like this guy.

Sign of the day

National Go Topless Day Protest

Today, men and women from across the New York City bared all from the waist up to fight for equality for being topless in public. "National Go Topless Day" attracted women of all ages with signs like "Tits: Wholesome, Holy & Hot," a guy offering free hugs, and of course plenty of gawkers. Thanks to a 1992 ruling, it's perfectly legal for a woman to bare her breasts any day of the year in New York.

Hey it's like the civil rights movement all over again!


Man sues because of his addiction to a video game

Video games can be pretty addicting. Now, a judge will decide if one video game maker should pay.

A man in Hawaii is suing because he says he's suffering from video game withdrawal.

Craig Smallwood claims he became "psychologically dependent and addicted" to the video game "Lineage II" published by game-maker "NCsoft."

So far, the court has dismissed several of Smallwood's claims, but they allowed him to keep his "gross negligence" claim, which says the company was negligent in providing this software to the public when they knew of the potential dangers of addiction or dependence.

Smallwood says that he played "Lineage II" for over 20,000 between 2004 and 2009. That averages out to nine hours a day.

Well no one told me you can sue for getting hooked on stuff. Well then I guess I'm suing Popcorn Indiana for getting me addicted to their Kettle Corn popcorn, Chapman's for getting me addicted on their Mac Nut frozen yogurt, Kiva's Bakery for getting me hooked on their bagels, HBO for my addiction to Curb Your Enthusiasm, the Japanese for my addiction to Sudoku, Ford for my dependency on the automobile - hell I'm going to be rich!


It's The Big Lebowski week

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Keeping up with the news

Sign of the day

Bank robber forgets to put on mask

Eden Police continue their search for a would-be bank robber who tried to hold up the HSBC on South Main Street, but who instead suffered a wardrobe malfunction. The man walked into the branch just after 1 p.m. on Wednesday. Police say he brought along a dust mask to try to conceal his identity; however, he left it around his neck, apparently forgetting to pull the mask over his face.

While handing the teller a demand note, the suspect's cell phone rang. Surveillance video shows the suspect startled by something. He then grabbed the note and ran out of the bank.

Police believe the mystery caller may have been a get-away driver informing the suspect that he forgot to cover his face with the mask. Officers say the driver may have also tipped off the suspect that the Eden police station sits just feet from the bank.

I learned long ago in my job that proper planning is the difference between a successful project and an abysmal failure. You also need to practice and practice to ensure a proper execution. The same rules apply in life no matter what your occupation is, yes even bank robbers.

Questionable street names week