Saturday, November 13, 2010

Men and boobs

Late passenger claims bomb was in his bag

Police have identified a man arrested Saturday at Denver International Airport after he missed a flight and allegedly said there was a bomb in his checked bagged on board. Sergie Berejnoi, 49, of Sandy, Utah, was arrested about 7:05 p.m. Saturday on suspicion of endangering public transportation, police said Sunday. Berejnoi arrived late at the gate after the door had been closed for the SkyWest Airlines flight from Denver to Salt Lake City, police said.

"He became irate and stated he had a bomb in his checked luggage, which was already on the aircraft," Denver police spokesman Sonny Jackson said in a statement. The aircraft was brought back to the gate and searched for explosives, Jackson said. No explosives were found and after an hour delay, the plane continued on to Salt Lake City.

"Police were called to the gate and Berejnoi was arrested and jailed," Jackson said.

Let me see if I wanted to get on the FBI's no fly list and spend 5 years in prison what would i do? Smuggle some heroin on to the plane. Naaa, that wouldn't get me on the no fly list. Sneak into the on-board washroom for a smoke? Nope. I know! Tell the airline I have a bomb in my checked bag. Great idea!


Sign of the day

One Hit Wonder

Swing Out Sister - Breakout (1986)

Toronto's Lake Shore reality show releases anti-Semetic trailer

You know anything attempting to copy the Jersey Shore reality TV show has got to be trash. But did they have to include an anti-Semetic comment in their trailer? The creators of the show have already apologized but hey they knew what they were doing when the produced the trailer. They wanted to be a provocative so what better than a little Jew bashing.

The show, which has yet to begin filming, posted a trailer on YouTube in which one of the show’s main characters, 23-year-old Sibel Atlug, tells the audience, “I’m not racist because I hate everybody equally, especially Jewish people.” Now Sibel is identified as a "Turk" and the producer of the show is Maryam Rahimi who happens to be from Kuwait. Hmm, I seem to see a connection.

The show is supposed to represent the city's multiculture makeup but somehow I don't see these characters as very representataive of my community. Well I won't be watching the show and I hope it fails miserably.

National Rugrat Week

Friday, November 12, 2010

Happy 40th birthday Tonya Harding

Tonya was not always a freak show. Here she is at 16 at Skate America

Tonya was the second woman to land a triple axel in competition

Tonya Harding vs. Nancy Kerrigan

Tonya boxes Paula Jones in 2003

Woman attacks police with sex toy

Carolee Bildsten of Gurnee was charged on Wednesday after she allegedly threatened an officer with what police called a “rigid female pleasure device.” Bildsten, 56, was charged with one misdemeanor count of aggravated assault and theft of labour, Gurnee police Cmdr. Jay Patrick said.

Bildsten allegedly walked out on a tab at Joe’s Crab Shack in Gurnee on Tuesday. Officers found her at her home in Gurnee, where she allegedly threatened to batter the officer with a sex toy, Patrick said.

Was Ms. Bildsten brandishing a Candy Cane or an Icicles Swirl model? Maybe the Chicago Pyrex? That glass could cause a lot of damage and would be nothing to laugh at! If, however, she was merely waving around a cheap plastic vibrator (with or without batteries) the threat level would not be nearly as high. The officer should just be grateful she wasn't swinging a Blue King Pleasure Scepter, that's all I can say.

The officer was not injured and Bildsten was taken into custody, Patrick said. She also faces an ordinance violation for pedestrian under the influence.

Bildsten was released on a personal recognizance bond and issued a court date of Dec. 6 at the Lake County courthouse, Patrick said. It was apparently the second time Bildsten had walked out on a tab at the restaurant.

Was Ms. Bildsten brandishing a Candy Cane or an Icicles Swirl model? Maybe the Chicago Pyrex? That glass could cause a lot of damage and would be nothing to laugh at! If, however, she was merely waving around a cheap plastic vibrator (with or without batteries) the threat level would not be nearly as high. The officer should just be grateful she wasn't swinging a Blue King Pleasure Scepter, that's all I can say.

Courage or stupidity?

This video has been getting its share of hits on YouTube. Look how these girls persevere. These are girls are courageous. Blah blah blah. Hey I ran hurdles in high school too. There is a technique to running hurdles. You don't jump over them. That's how you fall on your face. Their gym teacher/coach is an idiot for letting them run them like that.

Sign of the day

Will he deliver Leaf fans to the Promised Land?

I bet you think I'm talking about Nazem Kadri? Well I'm not.

Sure there is lots of drama this weekend as Leaf management appears to be hitting the panic button and reversing their position on Kadri. But the Kadri promotion makes perfect sense. There is no question that Kadri has good offensive skills but his defensive game is lacking and management wants him to be a more complete player. But the Leafs greatest need right now is offense. Shuffling around the current players hasn't help jump start the offense so why not Kadri? Lets face it he is already the best centre in the Leaf organization so he might as well play on the big team. There won't be a better player coming down the pipe for at least two years because of the Kessel deal.

Which brings me back to the bigger issue. Even if Kadri becomes a star and Ron Wilson can get the team to listen to him, is there actually a blueprint to building a contender? I don't see it. I remember when Brian Burke was brought on board one of many of his memorable quotes with respect to the job was:

"You're talking about the Vatican if you're Catholic, you're talking the centre of the hockey universe, you're talking about one of the most important jobs in hockey running the Toronto Maple Leafs. It's a dream job."

Burke set high expectations for the team and himself. In two weeks he will have been on the job for two for years. Has he been successful to date? Well it's hard to say because he has not publicly set any timelines or milestones. He has only spoken in generalities. We are going to get bigger I want a team that other teams will hate to play against. I want to change the culture of the team. None of this appears to have been accomplished as yet.

Now when enacting change within an organization there will be setbacks and some failures along the way to achieving your ultimate goals. But where is the progress?

In the post-lockout era, there hasn't been a team that has successfully rebuilt without relying on the draft. Look at Pittsburgh, Washington, Chicago, and Tampa Bay. You can retool without the draft but not rebuild. The old days of using free agency to replace draft picks are gone. So why are the Leafs the only team to consistently trade away draft picks? Do we know something the other teams don't? The Phil Kessel trade has put this franchise back another two years in its rebuild. There are no short cuts.

So Burkie, how's life in the Vatican?

This is electrolysis week

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Look out!!!!!!

Mother eats a bagel and loses baby

The ACLU of Pennsylvania recently filed a civil rights lawsuit on behalf of a couple whose newborn baby was kidnapped by Lawrence County Children and Youth Services (LCCYS) because her mother recklessly consumed an "everything" bagel from Dunkin' Donuts the day before the birth. Jameson Hospital, where Isabella Rodriguez was born on April 27, has a policy of testing expectant mothers' urine for illegal drugs and reporting positive results to LCCYS, even without any additional evidence that the baby is in danger of neglect or abuse. LCCYS, in turn, has a policy of seizing such babies from their homes based on nothing more than the test result. Unfortunately for Isabella's parents, Elizabeth Mort and Alex Rodriguez, Jameson sets the cutoff level for its opiate test so low that it can be triggered by poppy seeds, which is why two caseworkers and two Neshannock Township police officers visited their home the day after baby and mother returned from the hospital. LCCYS seized the three-day-old girl and put her in foster care for five days before conceding it had made a mistake.


Who do you prefer Ke$ha or the Tourettes Guy?

Lest We Forget

Hey Demi Moore is 48 today, well at least the original parts

Demi in the 1985 film St. Elmo's Fire

Demi in the 1990 film Ghost

Demi in the 1996 film Striptease

Demi in the 2007 film Mr. Brooks

This is electrolysis week

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Do you hit every red light?

550 people with no arrest warrant surrender to police on Safe Surrender Day

New Jersey held a wildly successful Safe Surrender program last week, during which 3,901 people turned themselves in—including 550 people who weren’t actually wanted for anything. “For some people, this seemed to be a way to check: Do I have a warrant or not?” explains a spokesperson. The program offers people wanted for nonviolent crimes to surrender and, usually, be granted probation or a reduced fine instead of jail time. In exchange, authorities are spared the risk and expense of searching for and jailing these people.

The participants waited in line for hours, and most cases were then heard by judges. Twenty people were arrested during the event, most because they were wanted for violent crimes or had an outstanding warrant in another state. Among the nonviolent offenders: a woman with 90 traffic tickets.

So let me understand this. Over 10% of people who showed up for New Jersey's Safe Surrender program were sent home because they had no arrest warrant. What kind of people live in New Jersey. How would you not know whether you were in trouble with the law? You couldn't remember if you skipped bail, wrote 22 bad cheques or had 18 speeding tickets? And can you imagine the big smile on their face when told they could go home.


Naked, high burglary suspect had mouse up his butt

A burglary call for Oconee County sheriff's deputies turned bizarre Monday morning when their suspect was found naked with a mouse in his rectum and apparently drugged, an incident report shows.

Authorities responded to Bernwood Circle near the town of Seneca late Monday morning after a resident complained of a burglar. When deputies arrived, they found Noah Smith, 31, lying face down and naked inside the doorway of the victim's home, the report stated.

When the deputy tried to make contact with Smith, he slapped the deputy. In return, the deputy deployed his taser, which had no effect on Smith, the report stated.

With reinforcements, deputies approached Smith again in the victim's bedroom. A deputy managed to handcuff Smith before he jumped off the victim's bed and tried to kick other deputies in the room, the report stated.

Then, according to the report, Smith was pepper sprayed. Undeterred, Smith continued to kick at the officers and otherwise evade capture. He was struck with a police baton several times, and Smith attempted to bite the deputy.

Smith's head and mouth were covered with a blanket to prevent him from biting. He was wrestled down so shackles could be placed on his legs and his arms were hog-tied, the report stated. An EMS crew responded and provided a stretcher to which Smith was also tied.

Deputies and officers from the Seneca Police Department opined that Smith might have been high on mushrooms, and identified equipment that could be used to get high in the victim's home.

During a medical exam at a nearby hospital, medical personnel found a mouse tail hanging from Smith's rectum. An X-ray revealed a mouse lodged inside Smith.

I completely agree with charging him with resisting arrest, 1st and 3rd degree assault a battery charges, and indecent exposure. But how about cruelty to animals. No creature should have to accept being shoved up the ass of some wacked out drug addict. The poor mouse's final hour was spent peering into the guy's rectum. Makes me shudder just thinking about it.


This is electrolysis week

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Was that wrong?

It appears that dressing up in a KKK uniform and dragging around a man in blackface with a noose around his neck qualifies as racist.

How would George Constanza deal with this situation?

Only in America - restaurant offers free food to obese people

Blair River stands 6 feet 8 inches tall and weighs about 600 pounds. His weight and his enthusiasm for the food at Chandler's Heart Attack Grill have won him a $100-an-hour modeling contract.

This week he shot a YouTube video commercial to promote the grill, which invites anyone over 350 pounds to eat for free.

River, who lives in Mesa and works as a financial adviser at the University of Phoenix, was the state heavyweight wrestling champion in 1999, the year he graduated from Payson High School. He played a year of football at Mesa Community College.

The Heart Attack Grill, at 6185 W. Chandler Blvd. near Kyrene Road, has a medical theme. Waitresses are dressed in skimpy nurses' uniforms. Customers, called patients, wear hospital gowns over their clothes. The menu features no diet drinks and high-calorie food called such memorable names as Double Bypass Burger. Fries are cooked in lard.

What a socially responsible theme restaurant. They should also inject their customers with heroin and make them drive home high.

UPDATE: Big Blair River has died. I know you're thinking he lived up to the name of the restaurant he was promoting. But it seems he may have died from complications after coming down with pneumonia.


Sign of the day

Maple Leaf fans are not alone.

Facebook friends

Drunk woman held son, 12, on her lap and let him drive

A Nevada woman, Misty McCollister, has pleaded guilty to attempted child abuse after putting her 12-year-old in her lap and telling him to drive her home. And the story gets worse.

Apparently there was another kid—a 7-year-old—in the car as well.

McCollister, a recovering alcoholic, went on a weekend-long bender, according to reports, and was with a friend who drove himself home with McCollister and the kids in the car. Stranded in his driveway drunk, she decided to put her son on her lap so he could see over the steering wheel and told him to drive them home.

They were stopped a few blocks from home when the car was spotting weaving down the road. McCollister had a .299 blood alcohol level. She faces up to five years in prison and a $10,000 fine when she's sentenced December 14. Considering the judge already called her "evil," she's probably not going to get any leniency.

Someone from Nevada with the name Misty has to be a former employee of one of the state's chicken ranches like Mabel's House of Prostitution. Considering her blood alcohol level it was probably safer for a 12 year old to drive than Misty. So I'm sure she was only thinking of the welfare of those children when she chose not to get behind the wheel.


Nicaragua accidentally invades Costa Rica, blames Google Maps

You would think that military professionals would rely on something other than Google Maps in determining where countries have their borders. However, down in Central America, there's apparently been something of an international incident, after a Nicaraguan military commander, using Google Maps as his guide, brought his troops into Costa Rica.

He insists that he was just following what Google Maps said, and that he never intended to go into the neighboring country. Yet... the report also notes that there was a Costa Rican flag there, which the Nicaraguans took down and replaced with their own flag. You would think, at that point, that everyone involved might double check to make sure they were on the right side of the border. After raising their own flag, the Nicaraguans apparently set up camp, cleaned up a nearby river (nice of them) and then dumped sediment into Costa Rican territory (not so nice of them).

La Nacion — the largest newspaper in Costa Rica — says the Nicaraguan commander, Eden Pastora, used Google Maps to “justify” the incursion even though the official maps used by both countries indicate the territory belongs to Costa Rica. Pastora blames Google Maps in the paper:

See the satellite photo on Google and there you see the border. In the last 3,000 meters the two sides are from Nicaragua.

(Note: this is a Google translation of the original article.)

Sounds like the Nicaraguans are trying to blame Americans (ie., Google) If this truly is an honest mistake, then hopefully nothing more is made of it, but it sounds like Costa Rican citizens are quite upset about the whole thing, leading Costa Rican President Laura Chinchilla to go on TV to ask citizens to "be calm... amid the outrage that these events provoke within us."

However later reports seems to indicate that likely that the troops were already in the area before Google Maps was used to review the disputed border.


Is that a turkey in your pants or,,,?

A Brooklyn teen was caught on video shoving a 12-pound turkey breast into his baggy sweatpants - and then waddling out of a Bed-Stuy grocery with an irate butcher hot on his trail. "He's got a big turkey in his pants!" Fine Fare Grocery cashier Michelle Benjamin yelled to butcher Sergio Marte, who chased down alleged poultry poacher Deon Williams, 19, outside the Marcus Garvey Boulevard store.

"You have something in your pants!" Marte barked at Williams, who squealed back, "I'll give it to you - don't touch me!" "I don't want to touch you - just give me the turkey!" Marte demanded.

Williams dumped it on the street, and when Marte bent over to pick it up, the teen clocked him in the jaw, the butcher said. "He swung at me, and then he ran," the 42-year-old butcher said, showing off a still-swollen cheek.

The brazen heist was caught on surveillance video, and cops nabbed Williams on Wednesday. As for the turkey, it went right back on the shelf. Marte insisted the $84 worth of Boar's Head Oven Gold "was in good condition."

Well obviously the kid is a breast man right? Hey he actually was making a very healthy choice. There is only 120 calories and 2 grams of fat in a 4 oz serving of Boar's Head Oven Head Turkey Breast and it's rich in protein. And at $7 per pound it was actually a steal - excuse the pun.

One Hit Wonder

Zagar and Evans - In The Year 2525 (1969)

This is electrolysis week

Hump Day Hottie - Sunday edition

Katherine Litwack better known as Kat Dennings looking pretty naked

Wife call police over husband's snoring

A wife got so tired of her husband’s snoring that she tried to get him arrested so she could get a decent night’s sleep. The South Carolina woman called police deputies complaining that her husband was snoring too loudly and wouldn’t stop.

According to a police report, the wife - who has not been named to protect her blushes - had tried to go to sleep but his incessant snorts and rumblings were impossible to ignore. She eventually woke him up and ordered him to to go to another room. But by that time the damage had been done and she could not get back to sleep.

What's worse, she could still hear her husband from the other room. It was then that women finally lost her temper, storming into the other room and called him a bastard. When the argument escalated she threatened to call the police over his snoring.

The police report noted that the husband at first let her ring the police - but then had second thoughts about the authorities arriving. The report said the man left the Duncan, South Carolina, house before police arrived, apparently telling his wife that it would ‘take a SWAT team to bring me in’. Police treated the call as a domestic argument and no charges were laid.

If police began arresting people for keeping their spouses or partners awake with the snoring they would have to build more prisons. No doubt Mrs. Pseudo would be doing some hard time.