The best job in the world is open

A Swedish lifestyle magazine is looking to hire someone skilled at receiving full-body massages, drinking wine at local taverns, and reading books for a not-too demanding temporary assignment.On Thursday, women's lifestyle magazine Amelia posted an advertisement seeking a "beach tester" (strandtestare) with the Swedish National Public Employment Service (Arbetsförmedlingen).According to the advert, candidates will be expected to spend four weeks testing beaches in four different locations around the globe.

"Included in the job assignment is going on outings, lying on beach chairs, drinking wine in local taverns, and other ordinary assignments found in a commercial beach and tourist environment," reads the ad. "In certain areas, receiving a full-body massage, testing drinks, snorkeling, and book reading may be required." Candidates must be able to swim, be willing to work late nights ("testing drinks can under certain circumstances require working overtime"), as well as "have the capacity to rest/do nothing for long periods of time".

"The response has been huge," Amelia's editor-in-chief, Åsa Lundegård,said. "The announcement went up a few hours ago and we've already received hundreds of applications." The job ad is only running for a few days, and its publication the day before April 1st led many to suspect it was an April Fool's joke, said Lundegård. "But it's not. It's a totally real job," she said.

I've applied!

Growing old gracefully Week

Now there is a Rebecca Black parody featuring James Reimer

Burglar leaves behind t-shirt with mugshot

You'd have thought most thieves would do their utmost to conceal their identity.

But one suspected robber in North Carolina was proud enough of his profession to have it emblazoned on a t-shirt - and stupid enough to leave it at a house he allegedly burgled.

Detectives investigating the break-in at a home in Charlotte say the not-so-cunning thief had left behind a t-shirt printed with a photo of himself and the slogan 'making money is my thang'. The photo - which looks like a mugshot - matched the description of one of two suspects who burgled a house in the Plaza Midwood area early on Tuesday morning.

Nichita Davis and Delaney Douglas were still at home when the thieves allegedly broke in. The two men forced the couple from room to room as they searched for valuables, police say. The robbers allegedly stole some jewellery and a wallet before fleeing - leaving behind their very own calling card.

Officers say the black t-shirt, emblazoned with photo and the proud slogan in capital letters, fell out of their car as the pair raced away.

Look not everyone is made out to be a thief. If you're stupid it may work out best for you to stay honest. Like the burglar who left foot prints in the fresh snow leading to his house. If you make it that easy then you need another line of work.

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Vancouver fan base includes 'Hockey Lovin Homos'

Check out the guys in the blue hair, pink shirts and costume jewelry behind Alain Vigneault.



UPDATE: It seems others noticed these two fine fellows and they were ejected from the game. It seems that homo is a derogatory term even if you are gay yourself.

How not to shop down a tree

Rob Ford's people grabbing up copies of NOW magazine

If your regular source of NOW magazine is out well you could blame staffers of Rob Ford who could be driving around town doing some damage control. The mayor's image has been photoshopped onto naked bodies. Yes, how shocking. Eh it's April Fools Day right?

The Hangover 2 trailer

The Hangover 2 trailer is out and no surprise I think I've seen this before. Substitute Thailand for Las Vegas and you have yourself a new movie.

Blue Jays are Jose's team now

Opening Day in baseball is a sign that spring is here even in Toronto where we are experiencing a winter that refuses to quit. Opening Day is always full of optimism, fresh new faces in the lineup, and a capacity crowd.

In Toronto there is reason for optimism after the surprise 85 win season in 2010. That was a team with huge holes in their lineup including the loss of their pitching ace, no lead off hitter, no team speed, a question mark at closer, a revolving door at the catcher position and a lame duck manager that barely survived a clubhouse rebellion in the closing days of 2009. The optimism and confidence surrounding this team emanates from its one star player, Jose Bautista.

This is now Jose's team. Jose is the ultimate team player and all his teammates look up to him both Hispanic and non-Hispanic. He exudes a quiet confidence and pride that is infectious. He is humble yet has a swagger that he is determined to live up to. And he also has a mega-contract ($64 million over 5 years) that underscores what the organization thinks of him.

Jose is a veteran surrounded by a young developing team. This team may not win 85 games again this season but that will not likely cause much angst if the kids show signs of developing. There is reason for optimism.

So is here is your Opening Day lineup for the 2011 Toronto Blue Jays:

Starting pitchers (listed in order of appearance):
Ricky Romero (the ace on a team with no ace)
Kyle Drabek (the prodigy)
Brett Cecil (disappointing spring)
JoJo Reyes (maybe destined for the bullpen)
Jesse Litsch (might the comeback player)

Bullpen:

Jon Rauch (currently the survivor closer)
Jason Frasor (which Jason Frasor will we see)
Marc Rzepczyinski (the new Scott Downs)
Shawn Camp (hoping for a repeat of 2010)
Casey Janssen (will he survive the season)
David Purcey (lefty need I say more)
Carlos Villianueva (may log lots of air mile points to and from Las Vegas)

Lineup:

1. Raji Davis - CF (finally some speed)
2. Yunel Escobar - SS (is he really the future Roberto Alomar)
3. Jose Bautista - RF (back where he belongs)
4. Adam Lind - 1B (will bounce back as an every day player)
5. Aaron Hill - 2B (needs to stay healthy)
6. Travis Snider - LF (may break out with Cito gone)
7. Edwin Encarnacion - 3B (he's back for the time being)
8. Juan Rivera - DH (killing time till Brett Lawrie arrives)
9. JP Arencibia - C (be patient)
Bench:

Jose Molina - C (the tutor)
John McDonald - 1B, 2B, SS, 3B (everyone loves Johnny Mac)
Jayson Nix - 3B, DH (surprise pickup for some depth)
Mike McCoy - 2B, 3B (meh)

DL:
Brandon Morrow - SP (likely to miss only one start, the future ace)
Frank Francisco - RP (alleged closer but no timetable for his return)
Octavio Dotel - RP (other alleged closer who will definitely return soon)
Dustin McGowan - RP (no longer a starter finally pitching again but no timetable for return)
Jesse Carlson - RP (shoulder issues, likely optioned to AAA when healthy)
Scott Podsednik - OF (another speedster with nagging foot problem)
Corey Patterson - OF (some spare speed)

Sign of the day

Gorillas are using iPads

Gorillas prods the new toy which scientists hope will transform the way primates are kept alert and happy in zoos - an iPad.

Animal behaviour experts handed out the gadgets to five apes in an experiment. The super-smart gorillas quickly learned to turn the screens on and off and seem fascinated by the colours and pictures.

Amazingly not a single one of the five tablets which download apps has been broken since being given out at Port Lympne wild animal park three weeks ago.

Head keeper Phil Ridges said yesterday: "We thought they would bang them on rocks but they carry them round as if they were babies." Boffins at the University of Kent, Canterbury, are behind the trial, which is being monitored by Apple.

This is not an April Fools joke! Is Apple so desperate to maintain sales growth that they feel a need to expand into the primate market? Is RIM going to fight back by cornering the marsupial market? I can just see the ad. A kangaroo whipping out a playbook out of her pouch to check for road conditions. Koalas studying their tablets to keep up with eucalyptus commodity prices.

YouTube 1911

Drinking for your health Week

Home sells for $100 million, so much for weak U.S. real estate market

A Russian billionaire investor paid $100 million for a French chateau-style mansion in Silicon Valley, marking the highest known price paid for a single-family home in the U.S.

The purchase of the 25,500-square-foot home in Los Altos Hills, Calif., underscores the strength of some luxury properties in an otherwise depressed housing market.

The buyer, Yuri Milner, 49, who heads Digital Sky Technologies and whose investments include Facebook Inc., Groupon Inc. and Zynga Inc., had no immediate plans to move into the home, said a spokesman.

Mr. Milner is the stocky founder of DST, a Moscow-based fund that's made a splash in Silicon Valley via its investments. Its first in the U.S. was a $200 million check for Facebook in 2009. His primary residence is in Moscow, where he lives with his wife and two children.

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Montana legislator wants to eliminate DUI laws

Perfectly rational argument. But why stop there? Seat belt laws are bad for plastic surgeons. Environmental laws are bad for the manufacturers and the oil, gas and forestry industries. Speeding laws are bad for auto repair shops. Laws dealing with murder are bad for gun shops. Porn laws are bad for everyone.

Sign of the day

Drinking for your health Week

Now losers can look popular on Facebook

Relationship status: virtual.

That's what startup Cloud Girlfriend promises, although your friends on Facebook will never know it. The new Internet company helps guys who aren't ready to admit, at least online, that they don't have a significant other.

The new service allows users to create the perfect girlfriend who will write on your Facebook wall and otherwise make her ghostly presence known through social media.

Cloud Girlfriend has yet to officially launch, but the site is already generating overwhelming interest, advising visitors to "register early to get in line."

ss

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Lady enjoy your stay in jail

What a novel idea. Record videos of drunks getting busted, post them on YouTube and hope that they become viral.

Mom is playing on the roof

He sits there every day, sometimes for hours, up there on the roof, posed in a perfect sitting position, observing the neighborhood like it’s his kingdom. Maybe it is. After all, how many roof-sitting dogs do you see?

His name is Dubi, which means “my bear” in Hebrew, according to his owner, J.D. Pickett of west Greeley. Dubi is part black lab, part boxer and part roof climber.

Pickett got Dubi from the Humane Society of Weld County. He was one of six puppies in the litter.

“The patio on the house in back is just about four feet below the roof at one point,” Pickett said. “When Dubi was little, he jumped up there in the snow one winter, and I had to keep helping him down. Now, he goes up there every day, on his own, just watching the neighborhood.”

Reminds me of an old joke. Son comes home from school and asks his dad how was Rusty the family cat. The father told him that unfortunately the cat died. Disappointed the son told his father you should have broken the new slowly. You can have told me that the cat was playing on the roof. Then after told me that the cat had fallen off the roof and was injured. Later you could have said that the cat had passed away. The son then asked his dad how mom was. The father answered, "Mom is playing on the roof Mom is playing on the roof."

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One Hit Wonder

Michael Sembello - Maniac (1983)

Lourdes records its 68th miracle

A TV repair man with a paralysed left leg went on a 1,000-mile-plus hike after being cured following a trip to Lourdes. The incredible recovery of Serge Francois, 40, is now set to become the 68th official miracle at the Roman Catholic shrine in the foothills of the Pyrenees, in south west France.

After regaining the use of his leg, Mr Francois walked the Camino de Santiago de Compostela, the pilgrim’s route spanning France and Spain, and known in English as The Way of St James. Mr Francois, from La Salle-et-Chapelle-Aubry, western France, said he felt a warm glow spread down his herniated leg during a visit to Lourdes in 2002.

He had been praying at the grotto where local schoolgirl Bernadette Soubirous was said to have had visions of the Virgin Mary in 1858, and all of his suffering suddenly disappeared. Mr Francois reported what happened to the International Medical Committee of Lourdes (CMIL) and 20 doctors have now concluded that it was indeed ‘remarkable’.

Archbishop Emmanuel Delmas, Bishop of Angers, said: ‘This healing can be considered a personal gift from God to man, as an event of grace, as a sign of Christ the Saviour.’ Archbishop Delmas said Mr Francois’s case would now be examined further before it officially goes down as the 68th miracle. He said that because of advances in medical science it was becoming increasingly difficult to officially class a remarkable healing as a miracle.

I'm sorry but I don't consider 68 miracles much of a track record. Lourdes has been around for over 150 years and gets millions of pilgrims each year and 68 miracles is all they have to show for themselves. A clear case of under performing. I would expect that many each week. I think the Mets winning the 1969 World Series or Obama in the White House are bigger miracles and I don't recall Gil Hodges visiting Lourdes.

Hump Day Hottie

Alexandra Daddario

Drinking for your health Week

Delaware removes basketball hoops too close to pavement

A woman climbed up and sat on top of the basketball hoop in front of her house in a faceoff with a bulldozer sent by the the Delaware Department of Transportation (DelDOT) to rip it out. The truck already had seven other hoops in the back but this one wasn't going down without a fight.

DelDOT said the hoops violated Delaware's "Clear Zone" law, which prohibits trees, shrubs, hoops and other objects from being within seven feet of the edge of the pavement in subdivisions.

This hoop, which her husband said had been up for 60 years, fell under state scrutiny, along with seven other hoops, after an anonymous letter from someone in the neighborhood complained.

Delaware had sent the families letters notifying them about the pending removal. The neighbors, along with their state representative, wrote letters back to protest and they thought the action was still pending when the trucks rolled up.

A State Trooper told the homeowners that the hoops were in an area through which the state had right of way, and as such, they could remove them.

The hoop was loaded into the truck with the others and the homeowners are told they can file a request to get it back.

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Obese man fused to chair he sat on for 2 years

A morbidly obese Ohio man was in the hospital Tuesday after police found him fused to a chair he had not moved from in two years and were forced to cut a hole in the wall of his house just to get him out, WTRF-TV reported.

The unnamed man lived with two able-bodied roommates -- including his girlfriend, who officials said fed him since he never got up -- in a home in Bellaire, Ohio. The roommates called police upon finding the man unresponsive on Sunday.

Officers who responded to the scene said that the man's skin was fused to the fabric of chair and that he was sitting in his own feces and urine with maggots visible.

One officer said it was the worst thing he had ever responded to. Another told the local TV station he had to throw away his uniform after helping remove the man from the chair.

"The living room where the man lived in his chair was very filthy, very deplorable. It's unbelievable that somebody lives in conditions like that," Jim Chase, a local city code enforcer, told WTRF.

"I instructed the landlord this [Monday] morning and the two people, the tenants at the house, they had to get it cleaned, there's no way they can live in something like that, and so they are working on it," he added.

The landlord told WTRF that the man used to be an active person and said she had no idea how bad his condition was since he covered himself with a blanket every time she came to visit

Really this could only happen it America right? This guy probably got so involved in NFL games at the start of the 2009 season that he just didn't bother to get off of his cozy chair. By the time the Saints took the Super Bowl he couldn't get up anymore. I find its important to get up and stretch between games so I don't cramp up. Never imagined my tush could get fused to my sofa.

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Election issue: Coalition government

;The first issue out of the gate was the possibility of a coalition government. On the first day of the campaign Stephen Harper accused the Liberals of secretly having plans to govern in a coalition with the NDP and Bloc after the election. In case the audience missed the message Harper mentioned "coalition" 21 times. My thoughts on a coalition:

• What's wrong with a coalition government? They are rare in Canada and the last true coalition in Canada was during WWI but there are many instances of parties cooperating with minority governments. The Prime Minister seems to treat coalition like it was a dirty word.
• That being said not all coalitions are the same just as not all governments are the same. The coalition agreement sets out the mandate of the government and may cover the division of cabinet responsibilities and portfolios. A coalition that includes the Bloc would not be in the best interests of Canada. Lets face it the mandate of the Bloc is to extract as much money for Quebec out of Ottawa as possible.
• The minority Conservative government has partly remained in power with support from the Bloc.
• Despite their denial, the Conservatives discussed a possible coalition in 2004 while in opposition. So raising the Coalition issue is typical political hypocrisy.

Does Rebecca Black get royalty payments from the lame Ottawa Senators?

Senator fans can you beat these guys?

Shawn Hill The Flyer Dancing Guy



Dancing Larry




Vancouver's Green Men



Ducks fan

Sign of the day

Drinking for your health Week

My Mom: 1924 - 2011

You will always be with me.

Bride and groom spend wedding night in jail

A bride and groom spent their wedding night in a cell at a Hampshire police station after beating up a reception guest. The couple, David and Louise-Anne Turnbull, had dashed back home from a Southampton nightclub where they had been celebrating, following a frantic call from a babysitter who had been looking after their children. It ended with the guest who was their next door neighbour being kicked, punched and suffering a fractured jaw and the couple being arrested.

Jurors heard how they had held their reception at a pub in Holbury, which Christopher Cerqua attended. But he was asked to leave after he got behind the wheel of Mrs Turn-bull’s car and hit another vehicle in the car park. The couple moved on to the nightclub but rushed home after getting a call from the babysitter who was looking after three of their five children and they feared he was posing a threat to them.

The couple, from Langdown Road, Hythe, were convicted after a five day trial of causing actual bodily harm. Jailing 28-year-old Turnbull for 21 months, the judge said it was a premeditated assault and he had involved the use of “a shod foot” as a weapon. The judge accepted his wife, 33, had played a lesser role in the assault and had children to look after though she had joined in “with relish”. He gave her 12 months supervision and a three-month curfew.

Sign of the day

Federal seat projection

Greg Morrow over at DemocraticSPACE does a great job following election trends. Based on polling taken before the election was called the Conservatives are headed towards a narrow majority in the May 2 election. Below show seat projections by party. A riding is assigned to the party that is ahead even where it is by a small margin. Obviously this will change over the next five weeks. If a vote was held today the Conservatives would win 158 out of 308 seats.

	SAFE	STRG	LEAD	CLOS	POSS	PROJ
Conservatives	123	13	21	16	10	157
Liberals	42	15	12	23	11	69
NDP	17	8	8	7	5	33
Bloc	40	3	6	5	2	49
Green	0	0	0	0	1	0
Others	0	0	0	0	0	0

SAFE = safe seats with a margin of over 10%
STRG = strong seats with a margin between 5% - 10%
LEAD = seats where they are leading by less than 5%
CLOS = seats where it is close and behind by less than 5%
POSS = possible to win seat but margin is between %5 - 10%
PROJ = safe + strong + leading

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Drinking for your health Week