Saturday, June 11, 2011

I went for Shabbat dinner and a dance broke out

BAC2Fashion Flashmob at United Bakers from UJA Federation on Vimeo.

Sarah Palin on Paul Revere

So on her national bus tour last week, Sarah Palin made her way through Boston and decided give reporters a hilariously inaccurate history lesson on Boston legend Paul Revere and his famous “Midnight Ride.” But in typical Sarah Palin style she makes matters worse by going on TV after the fact and defended her statements. Watch the video!

Presenting the boob cam

First there was the ass cam and now the boob cam. A French woman put a hidden camera in her cleavage to see how many guys looked at her ample chest.

Woman arrested driving with her top down

Police pulled over Keila De Oliveira Leite in Stuart, Fla., for driving erratically on May 30. They accused her of driving on the wrong side of the road, traveling 20 miles below the speed limit and passing a Martin County deputy who tried to stop her, reported.

When she finally stopped, police found Leite, 21, topless behind the wheel with what appeared to be weed sticking out of her purse on the floor of the car, according to the police report. Cops searched the car and claim they found a pot pipe, too.

Not only was the suspect naked from the waist up, she was "argumentative" about covering up, according to the police report. However, she was wearing a shirt by the time her mug shot was taken.

After reportedly failing several sobriety tests, she was charged with driving under the influence and possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

Police started chasing Leite after she drove away from the scene of a fight.

The decline of the American Empire

Real life...

The new miracle drug?

Just one more win for the Stanley Cup

Is claiming that a mannequin is your wife strange?

Ned Nefer, 38, says he's married to a mannequin named Teagan, and the kooky couple is traveling 70 miles from Syracuse to Watertown on foot.

Or at least Nefer is walking. The Syracuse native is pushing his 6-foot wooden wife in a wheelchair across upstate New York.

"This is definitely one of the oddest things I've come across, but he seems very happy," said Lisa Spear, principal social welfare examiner for the Jefferson County Department of Social Services.

"I wouldn't classify him as dangerous at all," she told the newspaper after meeting with Nefer. "He seemed quite happy in his own little world."

Nefer's relationship is one that's built on trust - and lumber. He told the WDT that Teagan was only a head when they first met. But he built her a wooden body and claims they were married on Oct. 31, 1986, in California. Nefer was taking the mannequin to Watertown's Children's Home, where he first laid eyes on her noggin.

People are just so jaded and cynical these days. Here is a guy in love and everyone thinks he's crazy. He is taking his wife back to where the first met - what could be more romantic. Most husbands can't be bothered to get off the sofa to help their wife with the groceries. Mind you Teagan is likely the perfect wife - she never talks back.

TSA does it again, harasses mentally disabled man

The Mandy family says they were on their way to the happiest place on earth (Disney), but had to go through hell to get there.

"I realize they're trying to keep people safe, but come on, does he look like a terrorist?" said Dr. David Mandy.

The family was going through security when two TSA agents singled Drew Mandy out for a special pat down. Drew is severely mentally disabled. He's 29, but his parents said he has the mental capacity of a two-year-old, which made the experience that followed at metro Detroit's McNamera Terminal that much harder to deal with.

Dr. Mandy claimed they asked Drew to place his feet on the yellow shoe line, something he didn't understand. They proceeded to pat his pants down, questioning the padding which was his adult diapers. When the agents asked Drew to take his hand and rub the front and back of his pants so they could swab it for explosives, his dad stepped in and tried to explain that Drew was mentally challenged.

"They said, 'Please, sir, we know what we're doing,'" Mandy said.

You got to love the way TSA staff harass the disabled. People in wheelchairs. Kids in diapers. You just know that Drew Many was going to take down that plane with his plastic hammer. Hey you just know how tricky al Qaeda can be. How do we know they aren't actively recruiting mentally handicapped Americans by offering them ice cream and chocolate chip cookies.


Andrew Gold: 1951-2011

Friday, June 10, 2011

What I missed while I was away

Still catching up on the news. I see a Democrat congressman named Weiner is in hot water for showing his wiener. I see he is circumcised. Nothing like a sex scandal involving no sex.

Then a see a big fuss over some nude pics of Blake Lively actually taken by Blake. Idol minds and iPhones are a dangerous combination again. I understand her publicist is claiming they are fake. Hmm a great looking fake then.

I've missed all of the Stanley Cup finals so far. I see although the series is even at 2-2, though the Canucks have been crushed in the last two games after Rome scrambled Horton's brain on a late blind side hit. Good to see hockey hasn't changed while I was away.

But my favourite is the slapped with a $220-fine for driving in an HOV lane on the QEW outside Toronto. The man placed a blow up doll clad in a jacket and cap in the passenger seat. Nice try buddy.

Student faces possible 8 year sentence for blow up doll prank

A Rushville High School senior faces a felony charge after taking a blow-up doll to school as part of what he claims was a prank. School officials called police after a package was found in a girls' bathroom. A deflated blow-up doll was later found inside the box.

Tyell Morton, 18, was arrested on a preliminary charge of felony criminal mischief after he admitted to taking the doll to school. He said it was meant to be a senior prank.

"I'm facing eight years for a doll, a plastic doll," Morton said. "I didn't put anybody's name on it, nothing. Now I'm a terrorist for a prank gone wrong. It's life-changing. It's traumatizing."

The family's attorney, Robert Turner, said the charge is excessive. "It's interesting that had he gone to school with a gun, there would've been a lesser charge. It would've been a Class D felony with up to three years," he said. Morton has since been released on bail. He is banned from school property and will miss his graduation ceremony.

I totally get it. Tyrell has been identified as the new leader of al Qaeda now that Bin Laden has been killed. No doubt Homeland Security has figured out that terrorists were planning to hijack airplanes using blow up dolls. The dolls were to be used to seduce unsuspecting pilots and then they would overpower the pilots and takeover the planes. What can I say other than brilliant!

Sign of the day

Spam email of the Month

Good Day,

My name is Allen Graves, a (SGT) in the U.S Army attached to Nato presently in Libya as a combat instructor.

During one of our duty assignment, we stumbled on a dump site where many arms and plenty cash in U.S. dollars and pounds where discovered in barrels at a farm house near one of Col Muammar Gaddafi old palace in Libya during a rescue operation.

So I'm seeking your kind assistance to move this funds to you as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care until I complete my service here (LIBYA). Please respond for further details.


Allen Graves. (Sgt)

Dad drops daughter to try for a foul ball

Maybe everyone has seen this one already but I just saw it today and had to laugh. I would have probably done the same thing.

Shakira pole dances in newest video

Shakira may be 34 years old but she still is the sexiest artist ouit there. Just take a look at her newest video.

Just what every 7 year old girl wants, a boob job

She made the headlines last year when she confessed to teaching her then six-year-old daughter Poppy to pole dance. And now Sarah Burge is back in the spotlight again - for all the wrong reasons.

The 50-year-old mother - a self-confessed plastic surgery addict known as The Human Barbie - has boasted that she gave a £6,000 breast enlargement voucher to her daughter for her seventh birthday.

Miss Burge, who has spent more than £500,000 on her own surgical enhancements and wants to make her daughter into a glamour model, said Poppy 'squealed with delight' when she was given the voucher.

She said: 'Poppy begged me for a boob job, so I gave her the voucher so she can have it after she's 16, when it's legal.

'If she develops naturally big boobs, she can have something else done with it.'

The voucher was part of a £12,000 'exotic pamper party' that Miss Burge organised to mark her daughter's birthday.


Thursday, June 09, 2011

Tombstone falls on woman while having cemetery sex

A woman who may have been engaged in sexual activity in Ahavath Israel Cemetery, Trenton, on Tuesday evening was injured when a tombstone fell on her leg, police said.

The 39-year-old woman was not badly hurt, no criminal investigation of the two was launched after the administration decided not to file a criminal complaint.

The woman was with a male friend in the graveyard off Cedar Lane just before 7 p.m. visiting the grave of a relative. When the two engaged in some “extracurricular activities,” one of the grave markers rolled onto the woman’s leg, Capt. James Stevens said.

The woman was taken by ambulance to Capital Health Regional Medical Center for treatment. Police did not know the extent of her injuries.

This has to be the kinky sex story of the week. But what about all the salacious details? So if a stone falls and her legs and not his that can only mean one thing. She was giving head. You know I can just see the headlines on this one if the stone had done more damage to the two, "man and woman were fucking near dead!"

4 year-old art prodigy exhibits in New York

A four-year-old Melbourne girl is drawing fans in New York with her first solo art exhibition. Aelita Andre is said to be the youngest professional painter in the world, and has been compared to the likes of artistic giants Picasso and Jackson Pollock.

Her work is already commanding top dollar, with a Hong Kong collector last year paying $24,000 for one of her pieces. Now her colourful paintings are on display at the Agora Gallery in Manhattan.

Gallery director Angela di Bello says Aelita, who produced her first meaningful body of work before turning two, is a talented artist. "What's interesting about her work is that I also I find that it is abstract expressionism, but that she's also surrealist in the way she includes objects in her works and how she includes those objects," she said.

"She is completely and utterly innocent, just with an innocent eye almost coming to a canvas," said her father Michael. Andre's solo exhibition, aptly named The Prodigy Of Colour, runs until June 25.

Just what everyone needs: a PhD in comic book studies

A Scottish university is to offer the UK's first degree in comics. Dundee University said the one-year Masters in Comic Studies would be launched by its English department in September 2011.

Graduates on the course will study the impact of comics on the worlds of art, literature and popular culture. The degree programme will be led by Dr Chris Murray, one of the UK's leading authorities on comics, and editor of the Studies in Comics journal.

Dr Murray said: "This is a very exciting time for comics scholarship, and I am delighted to be able to offer this postgraduate course on comics. This is a unique opportunity to give this important medium the attention it deserves, and to allow those with an interest in comics to study it in detail." A PhD in comic studies will also be available to those who have completed the MLitt course.

This just illustrates the value of a university education and why I get so many job applications from post graduate degree students.

Man pulls out gun at party when kids miss out on cake and ice cream

Police arrested a man in South Memphis on Saturday after he allegedly threatened the host of a child’s birthday party with a gun because his children didn’t get any cake or ice cream.

Joseph Hayes, 48, was arrested late on Saturday night and was charged with aggravated assault. According to a police affidavit, Hayes became upset and began yelling at the victim because “Y’all didn’t save my kids no damn ice cream and cake.”

Hayes then left the party and went to his apartment. He returned with a small black handgun tucked into the back of his pants, approached the host, lifted up his shirt and said, “I ain’t scared to go to jail, just take care of my kids."

The host then called police and said she was in fear of her life. After being arrested, Hayes told police that he did not take a gun to the party, just an object that looked like one when tucked in his pants.

Sign of the day

Contortionist hid in suitcase to steal from tourists

Police have arrested a contortionist who hid in a suitcase to steal from tourists' luggage in a bus locker. The flexible thief stole valuables including laptop computers from the baggage compartment during an hour-long journey. He then clambered back inside his case, and was later collected at his destination by his partner in crime.

Tourists only realized their things were missing when they arrived at their hotels and opened their bags. For weeks detectives were baffled as to how so many items were being regularly stolen on the bus route between Girona airport and Barcelona, in Catalonia, north east Spain. Last Friday they were alerted by a suspicious member of the public to a large suitcase that had just been loaded on the bus.

When they opened it up the shocked officers found a man curled up inside. It appears that one person bought a bus ticket from Girona airport to Barcelona, then put a large suitcase in the baggage hold with the other passengers' luggage. A second person had hidden inside the suitcase, and when the bus set off he got out of the suitcase and, using a flashlight, looked for valuables in the rest of the bags, which he then hid inside a smaller bag.

I'm back!

Just got back from a cruise to Alaska. They feed you far too much on cruise ships. I haven't gotten up the nerve to step onto the scale. We had good weather for southeastern Alaska with means virtually no rain. The rain forests along the coast get dumped on a lot. Will be posting pictures and videos in the days to come.