Saturday, January 07, 2012

How to fake French

Walmart attracts a unique class of customers

Family dinners

Sunday morning in Oshawa week

She's too sexy for my school, too sexy for my yearbook

Durango High School senior who had her yearbook photo yanked has her peers and not the administration to blame, the yearbook’s student editors said Thursday.

“The administration really had nothing to do with it,” said Tevan Trujillo, a student yearbook editor. “It was us.” Sydney Spies, 18, said Wednesday that administrators refused to allow her portrait in the yearbook because her clothing violated dress code. The photo shows Spies wearing a short yellow skirt with a black shawl that exposes her shoulders and midsection.

Spies, her mother and several other girls protested the decision in front of the high school Wednesday afternoon. On Thursday, the student editors, their adviser and the school principal met with a Herald reporter to clarify their positions. The editors – Trujillo, Erin Edblom, Paige Shacklett, Alyssa Spencer and Brian Jaramillo – said they unanimously came to the decision not to run her submitted photo as a senior portrait. The editors said their decision was not because of dress code. “We are an award-winning yearbook. We don’t want to diminish the quality with something that can be seen as unprofessional,” Jaramillo said.

I get it, the dress code thing is a way of saying this girl is way to sexy for a high school yearbook. You can't argue with that. But she's just about right for this blog. Nice going Sidney!


Robber handed gun to cashier by mistake

A bank robber accidentally gave his gun to a cashier while meaning to hand over his swag bag. The thief raided the Halifax bank in Cheapside in the City of London and demanded £700,000 in cash from the bank worker.

But after making his demands, the crook - who was wearing shades and a flat cap - handed over his gun to the cashier instead of a bag. The male cashier froze as the crook realised his mistake and made a grab for his gun before running off as the security shutters came down.

Bank staff immediately raised the alarm, but the thief escaped after stealing a bank worker's bike and pedalling off. This week bosses at the bank put up a £25,000 reward for information about the robbery.

Police say the crook is white, unshaven and 'stocky' and that he is aged in his late 20s to 30s. A police source said: "This man is not the sharpest tool in the box. The guess is that he is very inexperienced and panicked when he approached the cashier, handing over his gun instead of a bag by mistake."

Friday, January 06, 2012

Flashback Friday - Gloria Estefan

Food fight?

A massive New Year's brawl at the New Dynasty restaurant in Chinatown, Montreal was caught on tape by a patron. For several minutes patrons tossed plates and other projectiles at each other before fleeing. The restaurant suffered considerable damage and two people inside the restaurant were injured.

One refused treatment and the other was brought to hospital with minor injuries. Police say they got several calls about the brawl, but they aren't likely to press any charges relating to the melee. Officers arrived at 3:55 a.m. on Jan. 1, after the battle ended.

Neither those involved in the brawl nor the restaurant itself appeared interested in pressing charges, so there will be no further police investigation in the incident. A restaurant official who did not wish to be identified said that the establishment suffered about $20,000 in damages.

Woman punched and rubbed her butt against $30 million painting

A 36-year-old woman was charged on Wednesday after punching, scratching and sliding her buttocks against a painting worth more than $30 million, authorities in Colorado said. Carmen Tisch is accused of pulling her pants down to rub up against the work, an oil-on-canvas called "1957-J no.2", by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still.

Tisch allegedly caused $10,000 worth of damage to the painting. Tisch was charged with felony criminal mischief and has been held on a $20,000 bond since the incident in late December, said Lynn Kimbrough, spokeswoman for the Denver District Attorney's Office.

The suspect was apparently drunk at the time. Kimbrough said Tisch urinated after she rubbed up against the canvas at the recently opened Clyfford Still museum in Denver. "It doesn't appear she urinated on the painting or that the urine damaged it, so she's not being charged with that," Kimbrough said.

A Denver art gallery owner, Ivar Zeile, said that the painting could probably be restored as long as the canvas wasn't pierced. "It does damage the piece, though, even people just knowing what happened," he added.

How did that get there?

Sign of the day

Sunday morning in Oshawa week

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Woman shot through eye insists on finishing beer

A Winnipeg woman somehow survived being shot through the eye in a New Year's Eve attack that claimed the life of her friend.

Justice sources say it was nothing short of a miracle the 30-year-old woman didn't become the city's 40th homicide victim of 2011. Police and paramedics arrived inside the Selkirk Avenue home in the early hours of Dec. 31 to find the woman calmly sitting in a chair.

"It was like she was oblivious to what had happened. She didn't want any treatment until after she finished her beer," a source told the Free Press. The woman was severely impaired, either by drugs or alcohol or both, and seemed to be showing no discomfort despite the obvious injury she suffered. There were as many as 10 other people in the home, also in various states of impairment.

You give me enough drugs and alcohol and you can do open heart surgery on me with a swiss army knife and I wouldn't give a shit. So naturally and bullet in the eye isn't going to faze this lady. But boy I bet she woke up on New Years Day with a world class hangover.


Oy Vey! 'Bark Mitzvahs' are the latest crazes for dog-lovers

Who makes you more angry Casey Anthony of Jerry Sandusky?

The internet provides the notorious with a soapbox to hop on and get their message out. Who better fits that description than Jerry and Casey. So which one pisses you off more?

Sign of the day

Naked man shows up in French children's fashion ad

If there's one thing I think that most of us can agree on, it's that the internet can do without images of children frolicking in the surf as a naked man lingers ominously in the background. Right? Apparently this photo ad slipped by the marketing team of La Redoute, which happens to be the most popular mail order company in France. They posted the above image to their website, apparently unaware of the offending penis terrorizing thousands of parents just looking for a good deal on swim trunks for their kids. It appears that the image what photoshopped based on the uneven horizons in the photo. Someone is obviously pissed off at La Redoute.

The gaffe quickly grew into a Twitter sensation and meme, with the requisite Pedobear appearances and the free-balling photo-bomber replicating himself in various Photoshop situations. (By the way, there's really nothing more beautiful than internet mockery expressed in the language of love.) La Redoute posted a Facebook apology ("La Redoute apologizes for the photo published on its site and is taking steps to remove it...We will strengthen the validation process of all brand communications for this cannot happen again in the future.").

Sunday morning in Oshawa week

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

The truculence era is officially over

It's enough to make Don Cherry cry. When the Toronto Maple Leafs put Colton Orr on waivers it signalled the end of the NHL tough guy whose roll was exclusively to fight. Despite a steady stream of injuries Orr only got into 5 games this season. The other Leafs enforcer, Jay Rosehill, has only played in 15 games.

The significance of this move is quite striking. Brian Burke is an old school GM who arrived in Toronto just three years ago promising proper levels of pugnacity, testosterone, truculence and belligerence. That's how Burke teams play. He went our the following summer and signed Orr as a free agent for four years. It's not from lack of interest that put Orr on the waiver wire, he is more than willing to fight if given the chance. When injuries shortened Orr's season last year he wasn't the least bit missed. This season he was the forgotten man. His set of skills are virtually obsolete.

Fights have not disappeared from NHL games. This season there are .42 fights per game which is done from .6 fights per game in the 2008-09 season. However, as the game has opened up and skating speed becomes a priority, fighters need to be able to skate too. That's just not Orr's strength so his days in the NHL are likely over.

Sign of the day

Woman acquited of murder because she is too fat to kill

Accused: Mayra Rosales stood trial for the murder of her two-year-old nephew after covering for her abusive sister

Mayra Lizbeth Rosales of Texas was accused of hitting her nephew over the head, resulting in his 2008 death. However, her defense team claimed that the super morbidly obese woman (1,035 lbs) was incapable of killing him because she’s too fat.

In March 2008, police arrested and charged Rosales, then 27, with capital murder for allegedly striking her sister’s 2-year-old son Eliseo in the head and killing him.

Rosales’ defense team however claimed that due to her immense weight, she would not have had the strength to raise her arm and strike the child hard enough to kill him.

When questioned by police, Rosales said the boy died because she accidentally fell on him. After a doctor’s examination of the boy’s body it was determined that he died as a result of blunt force trauma to the head and not from being crushed to death. She would later say she lied to protect her sister, who was the real killer.

Rosales testified that she saw her 20-year-old sister Jaime hit Eliseo Jr. with a hairbrush just hours before he was taken to the hospital by ambulance.

The mostly bed-ridden woman said she was more of a mother than Jaime, and that her sister would often leave the children in the home with her while she went out.

After being left with Rosales, Eliseo began having trouble breathing so his aunt called an ambulance.

Jaime was called and arrived at the hospital only to be told she could not see her son unless she told police who had hurt him. Rosales claimed Jaime then called her begging that she take the blame for the injuries so she could see her son. Rosales claimed she agreed, but was only trying to help her sister.

She was later arrested and charged with capital murder, but when the medical examiner determined the cause of death, it was revealed that Rosales could not have killed the boy because her obesity prevented her from raising her arms.

Rosales eventually came clean and stated Jaime was behind the abuse that likely killed the toddler.

In the end, Mayra was exonerated and her sister Jaime Rosales was found guilty of causing injury to the child and sentenced to 15 years in jail.


Sunday morning in Oshawa week

Hump day hottie

Kat Dennings

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

How many people have been tempted to do this to an annoying drunk?

Pepsi claims in lawsuit that mouse in can of Mountain Dew would have turned into jelly

The maker of Mountain Dew soft drinks and a man who allegedly got a mouthful of mouse along with his swig of the beverage agreed to move a summary judgment hearing last week.

Plaintiff Ronald Ball and PepsiCo Inc., as well as Pepsi's bottling arm, will appear in court later this month to potentially argue the move.

Ronald Ball is suing the Pepsi defendants, alleging there was a dead mouse in a can of Mountain Dew he purchased and drank in November 2009.

Ball had also sued the owner of the Shop N'Save chain, but those defendants have since been dropped from his case.

Ball filed his move for summary judgment in March. In it, Ball cites witness testimony about the dead mouse's presence in his drink and Ball's reaction to it.

In its April response, Pepsi counters that Ball has no evidence that the mouse was in the can when it was filled and sealed and before it left their bottler's control. The company argues it has scientific evidence that the mouse was not in the can when the case was sealed in August 2008 and that a veterinary pathologist examined the mouse, finding that it could not have been in the can that long because its body would have disintegrated due to the acid in the soda.

Pepsi argues that for the mouse to have been in the Mountain Dew that long, the body would have transformed into a "'jelly-like' substance."


Dennis Rodman is planning a women's topless basketball league

Dennis Rodman is bouncing back into basketball — this time as a coach for a topless women’s team he’s launching for Headquarters Gentlemen’s Club, the New York mammary mecca.

The NBA bad boy dreamed up the team after hearing that rival strip joint Rick’s Cabaret had launched a league with former Atlanta Hawk Spud Webb, who runs the Texas Legends, an NBA Development League team. Rodman is even challenging Rick’s Cabaret’s topless team to a charity game.

“I don’t know too many men that don’t like a good-looking woman running up and down around the court."

Rodman will be holding auditions next week at the jiggle joint for girls over 5-foot-10 to join the team.

“You don’t have to have too much experience, just know how to throw the ball into the hole,” was his sterling advice to hopefuls.

Team members will wear shorts, skimpy shirts and sneakers during games. “They’ll come out in a T-shirt or a tank top, but when the game starts, they’ll go topless,” Rodman boasted.

I'm pissed off I didn't think of this first. You have a call out for auditions and all these hot women show up and take off their tops. You short list and bring the best back for one on one second interviews. Then you call the whole venture off and blame the insufficient backers for the league. I always thought that Rodman was a sharp dude. I wonder if he needs some judges?


Please note I predicted the Kate Perry - Russell Brand divorce

Posting pictures of your wife without makeup is not a very cool thing to do. Even if your wife isn't famous. If I didn't I wouldn't be divorced, my wife wouldn't let me off that easy. So when Russell Brand posted this beauty last year I said it was game over for that marriage.

Man has 42 litre a week Diet Coke addiction

Darren Jones (Pic: Cavendish)

Darren Jones wants to check himself into rehab - to cure a bizarre addiction to Diet Cola.

Darren, 38, knocks back 42 litres of the drink every week.

Now the father of two is vowing to get treatment for his habit to get fit again and save his relationship with 33-year old mother of two Paula Mullen.

Darren, of Stockport, Greater Manchester, said: “I believe what I have is an actual addiction and I start to worry if I’m getting near the end of the bottle.

“I called up Diet Coke to ask them if it’s addictive and what I should do and she recommended putting water in it to dilute it, but it would taste horrid and I don’t think it would help.

“I would love to to go into a rehab centre or boot camp or somewhere remote where I couldn’t get my hands on Diet Coke. As soon as I had the money to do it, a spell in rehab would be the first thing I’d spend it on.

“What’s worrying is the addiction gets so bad I did admit I would find it difficult to choose between my Diet Cola and Paula if I was told I could only take one item to a desert island.

“If I kicked the habit, I’d be very moody and even sick going cold turkey but it would be worth it for my Paula.

“At the moment I just feel like I’m a big bag of water I’m so full of fluid, so in 2012 things need to change, I need to go on a Diet Coke detox.”

Darren has been downing the equivalent of 18 cans a day for the last 10 years after he started drinking Diet Cola as a 13 year old boy when he helped out on Stockport market.

He added: I would drink a few cans a day but the full fat version made his teeth ‘furry’ so when the new diet version was launched I switched to that, ‘In the beginning it wasn’t so much of a problem but my weight just soared.”

He was eventually diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure and found it hard to move about and lost his job as a taxi driver in 2007.

Transgender community not happy with this tampon ad

Woman is suing for damages caused by broken toothbrush

A Surrey, B.C., woman is suing Colgate-Palmolive Canada Inc., claiming that her toothbrush broke and severely injured her mouth while she was brushing five years ago.

The case is scheduled for trial Tuesday in B.C. Supreme Court in Vancouver.

According to her statement of claim, Saliha Alnoor was brushing her teeth in Oct. 2006 when the handle of her Colgate Active Angle toothbrush — which she had purchased at a grocery store two months earlier — broke in two places. She said the toothbrush tore her gums, which began to bleed profusely before she passed out.

“I was very fortunate that my family members were around me when I was injured,” Alnoor said in a statement of claim filed in May 2007. “Because of the injury and the excruciating pain, I had fainted for a few minutes and my family members made sure that I did not swallow and choke and drown in my own blood while I was unconscious.”

Alnoor said she contacted Colgate and was asked to provide some more information. She said she never heard back from the company after giving the requested information.

“The defendant failed in its duty of care owed to the plaintiff and others to properly test the suitability and safety of the Active Angle toothbrush before releasing the said product into the marketplace,” an amended statement of claim filed in 2009 states.

“The Active Angle toothbrush suffered from serious mechanical design flaws which were known or ought to have been known by the defendant at all times material to this claim,” the claim states.

According to the claim, Alnoor’s injuries have led to gingivitis, poor appetite and weight loss. She required “extensive” oral surgery to repair the damage to her mouth and continues to endure pain, suffering and loss of enjoyment of the amenities of life. Before the incident her dental and general health were reportedly “excellent.”

We are all grateful for this woman making the public aware of the hazards associated with brushing your teeth. None of the dentists or dental hygienists have ever informed me of how dangerous this activity can be. Toothbrushes may just be the next item banned aboard airplanes. A perfectly healthy woman now suffers from gingivitis [shudder], poor appetite [gasp] and weight loss [I may faint]. She continues to endure pain, suffering and loss of enjoyment of the amenities of life which likely means she can't perform oral sex. So how the hell was she using her toothbrush? Was she trying to chisel the plaque off her teeth? According the Canadian Dental Association you should be using a gentle massaging motion when brushing and not pressing hard. You think maybe this woman is a victim of her own incompetence?


Sign of the day

Sunday morning in Oshawa week

Monday, January 02, 2012

Toronto homicides drop in 2011

Toronto homicides drop to only 45 in 2011 which is almost a 30% reduction from the 62 homicides reported in 2010. There is a similar trend of falling homicide rates across North America but few large cities (Toronto has a population of approximately 2.5 million) can match up to Toronto which has only 0.2 murders per 100,000 citizens.

The chart below compares Toronto to several American cities. You are 100 times more likely to be murdered in Philadelphia compared to Toronto.

City 2009 2010 2011 per 100,000
Toronto 62 62 45 0.2
New York 471 536 502 6.1
Dallas 166 148 136 10.9
Philadelphia 302 386 324 20.7

Updated resolutions

Saudi Arabia arrests foreigner for celebrating New Year’s with balloons

A foreign resident in Saudi Arabia was arrested by the country’s religious police on New Year’s Eve for displaying balloons to celebrate the New Year.

The man – described as an Arab expatriate living in the country – was arrested as he was walking though the streets in violation of the ban of celebrating the New Year in the ultra-conservative Gulf kingdom.

In December, Sheikh Abdel Aziz bin Abdullah, the country’s top Muslim cleric, deemed celebrations of the New Year, birthdays and marriage anniversary un-Islamic.

The arrest highlights the ongoing conservatism in the country, and comes after religious police have been cracking down on citizens for breaking “un-Islamic” laws in the country.

Seriously, who would want to live in one of those countries? They won't even let you celebrate your birthday. It's okay to celebrate Mohamed's birthday but not your own. I guess they're not big on Thanksgiving either.


Man tries to pass fake $1 million bill at Walmarts

A man is accused trying to use a fake $1 million bill to pay for his purchases at a Walmart. Michael Anthony Fuller, 53, walked into the Walmart in Lexington on Nov. 17. He shopped for a while, picking up a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and other merchandise, totaling $476, an arrest warrant says.

When he got to the register, Fuller gave the cashier the phony bill, saying that it was real. Store staff called police. Fuller was later charged with attempting to obtain property by false pretense and uttering a forged instrument, both felonies, court records show. A warrant says of the fake million-dollar bill: "There is no such thing."

The largest bill in circulation is a $100 bill. In 1969, federal officials discontinued the use of $500, $1,000, $5,000 and $10,000 bills because of lack of public use. The largest note ever printed was the $100,000 bill, which featured President Woodrow Wilson. The bills, which were not available to the public, were printed from Dec. 18, 1934, through Jan. 9, 1935, and were used for transactions between Federal Reserve banks.

Brilliant move because most millionaires shop at Walmart. People think that those with money shop at Bergdorf or Neiman but salespeople at these stores are known for turning away customers with cash. Next time maybe try Monopoly money.


Sign of the day

Sunday morning in Oshawa week

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Tired of me?

Kathy Griffin strips to her underwear in Times Square

Kathy Griffin in her underwear On New Years Eve was about appealing to me as it was for Anderson Cooper - Lady Gaga parody aside.

Thief can't slip my Bananaman

A quick-thinking supermarket cashier turned superhero to chase and apprehend an alleged thief while dressed as a giant banana. Checkout worker Luke Summerhayes, 21, was wearing the bright yellow outfit during a festive fancy dress day when the security alarms went off.

Just like cartoon hero Bananaman, he fearlessly gave chase and pursued the suspect through the car park while dressed as the 6ft 7in fruit. He eventually collared the man and police swooped to arrest him.

Mr Summerhayes, who is also a special constable in the police force, said: “I don’t think the bloke could believe it when he realised who was chasing him. He looked pretty surprised and he didn’t really look like he wanted to argue with me.


Man steals ambulance to get himself to a hospital

When it came to getting medical attention, stealing an ambulance and driving it to the hospital wasn’t such a bad idea at the time for one Tampa man.

Hubert Lee Credit, 39, was arrested last night after he stole an ambulance and drove himself to the hospital for treatment for injuries from what Credit claims to have been an earlier altercation with four men.

At around 10:30 p.m. Thursday, Transcare Ambulance responded to a medical call. As ambulance personnel were responding to a patient, Credit started up the ambulance and began to drive off, with the emergency lights activated, according to Tampa Police. A GPS unit was able to track where the ambulance was heading. About five minutes after the incident began, police were able to stop the ambulance at N. Tampa St. and E. 26th Ave., according to Tampa Police.


Bad Christmas gift week

Music teacher convinces student to strip to reach low notes

A music instructor convinced one of his students she would be able to reach lower octaves if she took her clothes off and performed sex acts on him while she sang.

Former Tacoma Community College teacher Kevin Gausepohl, 37, will be in court next month to answer seven counts of communicating with a minor for immoral purposes and one count of obstructing a law enforcement officer.

Gausepohl - who is also a worship leader at Blaine Memorial United Methodist Church - allegedly told the student, 17, he was conducting a study on how sexual arousal affects vocal range.

Court records show the teen agreed to some of his requests - which included taking off her clothes and touching herself - and said his suggestions showed positive results.

You have to admit the creativity of horny teachers in their quest to get into the pants of their students. But what makes this case more interesting is that the student indicating that taking her clothes off and touching herself made her sing better. Just think about how the music business might change if this discredited teacher's theory turns out to be true. Imagine Katy Perry on stage naked touching herself, maybe then I could tolerate her singing.